We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Friday, April 27, 2007

Frustrated, Tired, Sad

That pretty much sums me up right now. New pictures and medical should (have been) be forthcoming, any day now, I'm exhausted from being frustrated, tired and sad, I went to bed last night at 7:30 pm and was up at 5:15 am, we've "had" Valentina for 2 1/2 months now, no update to speak of for a month, no update expected until we get out of FC, I know this is all preparing me for PGN, I'M SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF WAITING FOR THIS CHILD THAT DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THAT WE EXIST AND THAT WE'RE HER PARENTS!!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS????? WHY AM I EVEN GOING THROUGH THIS WHEN THIS ADORABLE BABY GIRL DOESN'T EVEN KNOW US OR CARE ABOUT US??????? I'M FUCKING TIRED OF TRYING TO BE OPTIMISTIC, I'M FUCKING TIRED OF TRYING TO BE PATIENT, I'M FUCKING TIRED OF EVERY-FUCKING-THING!!!!!! AND I'M FUCKING SORRY IF I OFFENDED YOU BY FUCKING SWEARING!!!!!!!! WALK A FUCKING 2 1/2 MONTHS IN MY SHOES AND SEE IF YOU FEEL LIKE SWEARING!!!! I'LL GIVE YOU A FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS IF YOU DON'T!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD STAMPING HER FEET THROWING A TANTRUM FOR NOT GETTING HER FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!! until later........

5 comments:

Kerry said...

Feel better?

Soltana said...

Glad you got all that off your chest :) now you should feel better!!! LOVE YA
Soltana

Lou said...

Sometimes you just have to let it all out....the good, the bad, and yes, the ugly.

ursheadwear said...

and you have every FUCKING right to be PISSED

Fake Gmom

JOY said...

I can feel your frustration Cameo. I know I keep saying this and you know deep down that it is right "it will all be worth it"!

You have the rest of your life to spend with Carolina - hold on and think positive just a little longer.

You are going to be such a brilliant mum.