We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Worst. Mother. Ever.

I feel like an utter and complete failure as a mother and aunt today. I was cranky, short tempered and flat out fed up today with both children. It seemed to me that they both wanted my undivided attention and instead of trying to compromise and grateful for it, I just got exasperated. Grama came over later this morning and that helped, but I still felt like my head was full of rambles, lists of things to do and thoughts racing around a million miles an hour. Norm called me on his break this morning to ask how things were going and I answered flatly "I've taken 2 xanex so far and it's not even 11 am." Then to top things off, Valentina is begging to be potty trained and I'm too lazy to do it. Last night she was clawing her diaper off and yelling "POTTY! POTTY!" I took Valentina to the potty chair in the bathroom and she sat on it so proudly. Here again is the perfect example as to why I'm a horrible mother; I didn't feel like waiting the half hour she could have sat on there so I literally dragged her off it, the whole time she was screaming. I have felt like just breaking down in tears all night. I took sissy's advice and went to Target (oh, how I've missed you, red bulls eye) to get some Pull Ups for Valentina. Also on sissy's advice, I'm going to pull out the potty chair from the bathroom into the hallway so I don't have to wonder what she's getting in to and I don't have to sit on the toilet for 20+ minutes while Valentina tries to tuck her non-existent penis into the potty chair like she's seen Asa do. Today I'm at a total loss why God had entrusted these two amazing, beautiful, smart children into my care. Well, He (and sissy) only trust me with Asa part time, LOL. But it is a wonder that I have Valentina and yet today I was so frustrated and just plain lost. I had to apologize several times today to Asa for being so snippity. Of course he accepted my apology and I can't wait to see him in the morning. I have no idea why I was so bitchy and short tempered. Oh, yeah, full moon. However that's no excuse as to how badly I failed my children today.

Oh, Yeah, The Music Part

I forgot to tell about the music part in the title of my post below. I've taught my girl well. She's a big fan of Weezer. Saturday on our way to Auntie Lori's I had my iPod on shuffle and she kept saying "no no no no no no" to every song that came up. So I finally had to put on the Weezer album and she started to rock out. Thank God I don't have to listen to all those annoying kid songs in the car. Asa loves Johnny Cash and Coldplay so I'm set either way. Whew!