We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

So Far So Good, Fingers Crossed

Sissy got to my house from treatment at an early 7 pm last night. She was very tired, very hungry but feeling pretty good. She ate then mom took her home. When Valentina and I got up at 7 am (after 45 minutes of trying to convince Valentina to have "quiet time" in my bed and not succeeding), I opened the front door and Valentina asked "where's Beya's truck? Where'd Beya go?" Sure enough, mom was gone. Turns out that sissy had called mom at 1 am because she wasn't feeling very good. Josh had to work today so mom got to sissy's house before he left. Valentina and I got ready this morning and were over there by 10 am. Sissy looked very tired, was in bed, but hadn't thrown up which was very good. Slight nausea was a given and even though they had told her she shouldn't get that sick, I wasn't holding my breath. She was having horrible back pain though. The past month few weeks she's been living on Advil for the pain but now that's a no-no per her oncologist. She can take Vicodin or Tylenol. Well, Tylenol does nothing and Vicodin makes her sick, she gets a headache, gets nauseated and just doesn't feel good from it. Well, her back was too bad so she finally broke down and took some just before I got there. She got up and sat on the couch. Bottom line, her back feels better when she's up but then she's really nauseated. Her nausea is gone when she lays down but then her back kills her. See?! I told you! She has the weirdest things happen to her! Overall we were very pleased with how sick she was, it was a huge improvement over last time. Don't get me wrong, it still sucks, but it's not the violent vomiting for hours that she had before.

So Valentina and I left around 11:30 am to run to the store and then came home. Valentina ate a little something and then as soon as I changed her diaper (no, I haven't started potty training yet, I was going to start Monday but then realized that was a dumb day to start, so sue me), Valentina was standing next to me and I could tell she wasn't feeling well. She got a scrunched up look on her face and started swallowing rapidly. She put her fingers up to her mouth and VROOOOSH!!!! projectile vomit. Not a lot, in fact hardly nothing but we both got freaked out. She didn't cry even though I screamed in surprise. I got her cleaned up, brushed her teeth after she started begging me "get it out my mouth! get it out my mouth!" and then she was fine. I still gave her some pepto. I called mom to let her know and by this time sissy was doing much better. Her back pain is pretty mild down and the nausea is fine. Thank you God!!!

Now it's time for good news, bad news.

Good news:
Depending on how the cancer reacts to the chemotherapy, she may be able to stop after only 4 months! It's not definitive and we won't know for a while but it's something that Trina can keep in the back of her mind.

Bad news:
They are pretty sure it's in her lymph nodes too. This isn't really surprising since there was a node near her liver that they called "suspicious" and the nodes around her neck are pretty big. Plus the first place breast cancer usually spreads to is the lymph nodes. So it's not a shock. Well, yes, to me it is. I hate hearing that more of her body parts have been invaded by this fuckingcancer. And it's something that she'll never be rid of. It will always be there. I really fucking hate that our lives have become this, full of cancer. BUT as I was looking at our children yesterday, observing their innocence and pureness I realized that things could be sooooo much worse. We really are blessed that they haven't been kidnapped, that something horrific has happened to them. Yes, Asa will have to deal with his mom always having cancer. But as long as he is able to be raised by BOTH his parents, well, that thought is very comforting. Asa has been forever changed by cancer and I hate that, but, well, it could be worse. As long as he has his mum, his life will be fine.

Valentina has been refusing to pray for TT to get better. I couldn't understand why. I've told her that TT is sick and that she has to take medicine that will make her sicker but that it will help her get better. Whenever I explain this or we have our prayers, Valentina gets this furrowed look and growls "NO!". I finally figured out what her deal was. Right now she sees TT as being fine so if she's going to be "better", well, she doesn't know what that will entail, something even worse. She wants her TT to stay as she is right now because she doesn't see any of the effects of the cancer. I tried to explain it a different way and told her that TT is sick on the inside, that she has something bad in her but the medicine will help take it away. Once I said that it was like the light bulb went off and she is able to pray for TT now. She still prays for Asa's baby, every night. After about a week of telling her that Asa's baby wasn't going to come, followed by her usual growl of "NO!" I quit and figured the prayers couldn't hurt.

So, that is our update. I meant to write only a few lines and that turned into this! Thanks for sticking with me. I can tend to ramble at times.


Tracey said...

Here's to 4 mos of treatment, and no puking:)

Hugs to all of you!

Andrea said...

I have been waiting ALL day to get home and check on you guys. I second what Tracey said ;) Puke free zone!

Love you both!

Grama said...

Poor V. Her first vomit. She is such a blessing. Praying for as little sickness and pain as possible. Love you all.