Sissy blogged tonight and mentioned how she was going to bring in some of the cards she's received that are full of well wishes and strength. I've had something planned for a while for her. I was going to print out all of the wonderful comments that have been left on her blog, my blog and the 1in8 blog, add some pictures from our blogs and make them into a scrapbook that she can look at while she's in chemo. Yeah, I don't think they make a scrapbook big enough!!! I just finished copying and pasting the comments, just from her blog, since this whole shit storm happened and guess how many pages it took up on a Word document. Guess. And I used two columns per page. TWENTY NINE PAGES!!!!! I can't thank you all for what a blessing and source of strength you have been for my dearest sissy. It means so much to her, and to me, that so many people love her and are pulling for her. So go ahead, pat yourselves on the back, you deserve it!
I don't know what to write about tomorrow other than it will be like oncology day..... a six month long oncology day. Actually the effects of chemo last long after the treatment is done. The first time she went through it she had treatments on Day 1 and Day 10 and then had I think a 2 week break until the cycle started again. It may have been a 3 week break. Anyway, it was hell. So we're all gearing up for another six months, minimum, of hell. But we have a kick ass vacation to look forward to at the end of it. I'm sure she and Joshua will do a private getaway and then we all want to do Disneyland together. If Papa had his passport I think we'd go back to Mexico, but that ain't gonna happen. Disneyland, however, will be much more fun for the kids and if it's more fun for the kids, it's more fun for us.
I wish like hell I could explain to you all how much my sissy means to me. There aren't enough words to describe how much I love her, admire her, have learned such wonderful parenting skills from her, get frustrated with her, have arguments with her, have fun with her, laugh until I can't breathe (or breaf, inside joke) with her, compete with her, watch TV over the phone with her, call her, see her, be a dumbass with her, learn from her, teach her, compare books with her, compare tv shows with her, shop with her, have lunch with her, joke with her, play practical jokes on her, the list would go on and on and on. She isn't just my best friend. She isn't just my sister. She isn't just the mother to my dear Asa. She isn't just any one thing to me. She is EVERYTHING to me. We keep saying that the only thing that could make this fuck storm worse would have it happen to one of the kids. Yes, that would be worse, but only slightly. I love my children more than life itself, but I also love her more than life itself. She is part of me and I am part of her. We are a package deal. If you piss off one of us, we'll both be pissed off at you. If one of us likes you, we both like you. There are times when it's hard to tell where one leaves and the other begins. It is because of this that I believe and trust in God that He WILL heal her, despite what her oncologist has said because the alternative is not acceptable. It's going to be hell watching her suffer through chemo. She's done her part. She's had to go through this already. It should be a turn for someone else. I know it happens to plenty of other people, but this is my sister. I feel so helpless and like I've failed her.
The first time she had cancer I was there to take care of her. Now all I can do is take care of Asa for her. I'm so grateful that mom is here to take care of her. No matter how old you get, when you get sick all you want is your mom. For reason's I won't get into (asshole dickhead ex-husband), mom wasn't able to be there as much for Trina last time so I stepped into the role as mother and I've never stopped. I've always felt a little responsible for her, which is why I feel shitty that I couldn't keep this from happening again. Then again, she is a freak of nature :) Who the fuck gets breast cancer, TWICE, before the age of 40?!?! That's my sissy for ya! Always having to be different, always having to be a show off, always having to be an overachiever!
So please, please, please keep sissy in your thoughts and prayers a little more than you already do tomorrow. Again, I can't thank you enough for all the support you have given her. Especially our own faithful cancer family.