I was going to title this "Weird" because that's how I'm feeling but then again, this is me we're talking about. Weird is pretty normal.
Sissy had a really rough day today. She threw up several times. I didn't see her (I was having problem with my child, she refuses to nap but still desperately needs naps) but I talked to her a few times today. It's always harder to keep our spirits up when sissy feels so shitty.
*sidenote. As I was typing that last sentence I heard mom's truck start up. I know what that means. I called mom and sure enough, sissy's in a lot of pain so mom is going over to help her through it. I was feeling very anxiety ridden, like sissy was having a hard time. Mom just sighed and said "it's like you guys are twins!" See what I mean? Sissy is my everything.
Where did I leave off? Oh, yeah, sissy feeling shitty. And right now things are good. Each month the chemotherapy will accumulate in her body and begin to make her feel worse. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, I'm keeping things honest. And honestly, I'm surprised that I'm not more freaked out. Miracle! It also helps tremendously that sissy's faith and spirits are good, even when she feels crappy.
I still ask why. Why sissy? She had done her time. She had cancer. This was not a recurrence of cancer, this was brand new cancer, totally unrelated to her first cancer. Why does she have to go through it again? And please no comments about "God didn't give her cancer", etc.. I know that. It doesn't help with the why's though. I think we can all agree that sometimes shit happens. Why are children slaughtered all over the world? Why are refugees forced to flee their home and not have food to feed their children? There is no reason for that, just like there is no reason for this. None. I'm not angry, I'm sad. Sad for sissy having to endure this yet again. Sad that Asa has to know the ins and outs of his mum on chemotherapy. Sad that mom has to watch her daughter suffer. Sad that Valentina knows that her TT gets her medicine in her chest and that the medicine makes TT even sicker. Sad for the loss of our silly afternoons, making jokes and seeing who could make who laugh harder. Sad for my sister. Sad because I took some silly pictures today and had a mindless blog post all written in my head and didn't post it because it all seems so inane. Sad because I miss my sister and the way we used to be. Sad because she feels the same way.
But in the midst of this, there is thankfulness. I'm grateful for many, many things. Most of all I'm grateful that we are all so calm and peaceful and are able to see all the good in the midst of this shitstorm. I'm very grateful for my blog, i.e my diary. I'm grateful for all my friends, cyber and real. I'm grateful for everyone who loves and cares for my sissy so deeply. I'm grateful for all the prayers and healing wishes that are being said for her. I'm grateful that my faith has returned, although I still have doubts sometimes. I'm grateful that I learned to not look beyond the current day.
Please say a prayer for Norm's co-worker's 4 month old son, Liam. James and Norm have been working together for a while now and the past month Liam has been in and out of the hospital as he kept losing weight and the doctors didn't know what was going on. Liam was able to go home last weekend and then had to go back. Tonight James called Norm to tell him the news; Liam has SCID. He will be transferred to a hospital about 3 hours away sometime next week that is better equipped to deal with this. James and Stacey also have 3 girls at home. As we all know, when one person in the family gets sick, the entire family is ill. I'm just sick for them. So please, please, please keep James, Stacey, Liam and their three girls in your prayers.
Other than that, things are just peachy keen, lol! I am keeping a running tab of people to pray for/send positive thoughts to, on my sidebar. This will help me as well as anyone else who happens across my human documentary I call a blog. Please let me know if I left you off or want to be added.
Thank you for keeping with us this long and for keeping sissy in your thoughts. She has next week off from chemo. I'm both scared and happy at the same time. Scared because she isn't getting the poison she needs to kill the cancer and happy that she gets a week to feel somewhat human. One of the drugs that is administered actually stays in her system for 2 weeks so it will still be working even during her week off. One round down, five more to go. She hates it. She absolutely abhors chemo. But that is a true testament as to how committed she is to her family of Josh and Asa. She will do whatever it takes to keep her beautiful family unit intact. I admire her so much. I already did before this happened, but now? Now she's on that pedestal I had placed her on when we were kids and I viewed her somewhat as an idol. She never ceases to amaze me.