We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Saturday, July 11, 2009

Tired

I'm tired of cancer.

I'm tired of having to see my sister suffer.

I'm tired of having to see my mom watch her daughter suffer.

I'm tired of having to live in only the current day.

I'm tired of being scared of what tomorrow will bring.

I'm tired of not being able to look forward.

I'm tired of having cancer steal things from our lives.

I'm tired of struggling to not let cancer steal things from our lives.

I'm tired of my mind not being able to shut of cancer.

I'm tired of crying over cancer.

I'm tired of trying to hold in my tears when I'm around the kids.

I'm tired of having scary thoughts.

I'm tired of being terrified of the future.

I'm tired of seeing my sister have to deal with this every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

I'm tired of my sister not being able to sleep more than 4 hours at a time because she has to take her meds.

I'm tired of having tumor markers 50 times above normal considered good news.

I'm tired of Monday = Chemo Day.

I'm tired of feeling guilty that it should be my turn to have cancer and not sissy's.

I'm tired of being tired.

I'm tired of fighting the anger against cancer.

I'm tired of fucking cancer.

10 comments:

Krystal said...

I am so sorry, Cameo. I am praying.

JuJu - said...

I love you Cameo -

Mandy said...

DON'T QUIT
Author unknown
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you frown a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst
That you must not quit.

Grama said...

I'm so sorry. Still praying for peace sleep and release.

bodegalee said...

I'm so sorry Cameo.. my friend has been battling for just a bit over a week and I'm already so tired of it for her.

nikki said...

So sorry you guys are all going through this!!!
Praying for your strength!!!

Tracey said...

I am sorry! I wish that I could take all the pain from you all for awhile!!

Keep fighting, when you are tired your friends and family will lift you up back to your feet.

I loves you all very much!!

Jaimee said...

Hi Cameo...first, hooray for the mutation gene NOT being there. Second, I'm sorry you are so tired. I am here for you and continue to pray for you and your family. Stay strong girl, Trina needs you.

Jaimee said...

Hi Cameo...first, hooray for the mutation gene NOT being there. Second, I'm sorry you are so tired. I am here for you and continue to pray for you and your family. Stay strong girl, Trina needs you.

Valerie said...

You said it! Just let it out, it helps, trust me.