We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

BIG BIG BIG "Uh Oh" Moment

Yesterday we all ran errands together and had a great day. The kiddos were in the back seat and Trina was saying how sometimes her oncologist will say something that makes her cringe and makes her realize how dire her situation is. She said the other day he just offhandedly commented that she was fighting an incurable form of cancer. Yeah, not something you want to hear. She said there was something else that she had heard that made her want to punch him. I said 'oh, when he said you were going to D-I-E from it?" I looked in my rear view mirror and saw that mom had a horrified look on her face and I thought "oh crap, maybe Trina had forgotten that part" or maybe mom was worried that Trina was going to say something that mom had conveniently "forgotten" to tell me. Mom heavily edits to me what is said in the oncology room meetings. Anyway, so Trina blurts out "yeah, when he told me I was going to die from cancer." OH SHIT! Asa yanked his head up and said "mum, don't say die." Trina did a great job of covering and saying "oh, I'm sorry honey, no I didn't mean that. I'm going to live a long time. A long, long time, longer than you'll want me to" and that seemed to be it. I felt so bad for her for messing up and bad for Asa to have to hear that. It's things like that that really make me hate cancer. I hate it to begin with, but that is really fucked up. I've always said from the beginning of this nightmare just over four months ago; it's unthinkable to have to think of losing my sister. It's horrific to think of having to watch my parents lose their daughter. But for Asa to have to lose his mom? That is unbearable. And that is the main reason I hate cancer.


Mandy said...

I will email you. I was going to just leave it here in the comments but its going to be too big. Hugs to all of you.

Trina G. said...

oh sissy....Dr. said that I was fighting an incurable disease and doing a great job. it is hard to realize that I may always have cancer in me and it could come back, but i BELIEVE that God has whooped it in the butt and I am healed. I just need to finish this chemo and I will be well. You will not lose me,, I promise.

Jaimee said...

Big hugs, your post made me cry. Trina is sooo strong, she's right, you won't lose her!!! And Asa will not lose her!

Valerie said...