I have disabled comments for the time being. I cannot stand to hear "oh, Trina will be fine" or "she'll beat it, no problem". Let's face it; we don't know. I know how important it is to be positive and to look on the bright side and all that but right now I'm exhausted. It was extremely difficult to watch her yesterday at Asa's birthday party be sick and have it take everything she had to be there. I hope to God that it will be the last time that cancer will invade one of Asa's birthday parties. But we don't know.
Trina was supposed to have her baby this month. Yesterday there should have been a new baby at the party. Asa was supposed to be a big brother. And this was the baby that Trina lost. This wasn't the one that she cancer took. If someone had told us in January "hey Trina, you're going to lose this baby, then you'll get pregnant again and right when we reach the end of your first trimester you'll lose it to stage 4 metastatic breast cancer", then yes, I would listen to what they have to say today. But since nobody told us that, well, then anything that anyone says today is a crap shoot.
I know I'm being bitchy and I know I'm not being positive and I know I may alienate people with this post but the fact is, this is how I feel. We spend so much time and energy being positive and being grateful for all the wonderful things we have in our lives and focusing on the good things. But today? Today I'm fucking pissed off and angry. I have the kids to keep me happy and to keep me from losing it right now but I don't want to hear from anyone else who isn't in this situation.
Cancer fucking sucks.