We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Goodbye, Hello

Goodbye 2009.

This past year has been a lot of things and has shown us a lot of things.

For instance, I really didn't think we (I) could handle another bout of cancer in our immediate family. I have learned that yes, indeed, we do have to deal with this.

I've had to see my sissy, my best friend, the person who I love most next to my children, the only person who will know all of my secrets while we're living together in an old folks home, suffer so greatly. Suffer emotionally, physically, spiritually, in every way possible. And then she always, always, picks herself back up and rears up for another fight against this evil beast that is cancer.

I've had to watch my parents go through something that no parent should have to do. And this is the second time they've had to do this. Can you say unfair? To see the fear and hurt in Beya is humbling. She doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve, her whole body IS her heart, transparent for all to see when it comes to her kids. She faithfully keeps waiting for the healing miracle that God has promised her.

Papa. What is there to say about papa except that he finally found himself with this diagnosis that none of us could ever have predicted. The first two days were hell on papa. He was in a permanent state of panic attack. And then as hard and unexpected as everything happened, just as quickly papa had an instant calmness come over him. He opened his Bible and I don't think he's put it down yet in these 8 months. When I see papa now, I see him as the man he was born to be. This is his true self. This is papa being true to his mind, body and soul.

Joshua. Oh thank you Lord for Joshua. I will be the first one to admit when sissy and Josh first started dating, I was not on the Joshua Express. No, as is my personality, I was reserved and didn't know who this kid was that Trina had taken up with. Joshua is very private and quiet so he opens up very slowly as well. But then when he did, well, how could we not love him? He honestly views sissy as his princess. And this is nothing new, it's been this way since they first started dating and his love for her only grew. There are times when you scoff at people who speak of their "soul mates" and how "they complete me". I can honestly say that Trina and Joshua ARE each other's soul mates. We are all so blessed to have Joshua in our family.... and blessed to have him put up with us.

The children.

Oh our dear, sweet, frustrating, xanex inducing, kind, gentle, strong willed, loving children. Asa and Valentina are the neon lit miracles at a time when we try to find miracles in little things. Asa and Valentina are two miracles. Two tangible, running, laughing, squeezable miracles that I'm blessed to have every day. Someone recently made the remark "how could you do this without them?" and I really thought about that comment. I came to this answer; I don't know but thank God I don't have to!

Now 2009 wasn't all bad. In fact it started off quite well! Just before Valentina's birthday Trina found out she was pregnant. We were thrilled to have another addition to the family. Well, that didn't happen.

But what did happen was we had a FANTASTIC five days at the beach in a swank beach front condo. It was one of the best family vacations, even though Joshua couldn't stay the whole time. It was the 8 of us together having a wonderful time. It was truly one of the best vacations ever. And once sissy is doing better we ARE going to go back there and have ANOTHER fantastic staycation.

When it comes down to it, 2009 could have been worse. We have sissy. She is having to go through hell right now with treatment. Chemotherapy is truly an evil on par with cancer. It has to be in order to kill cancer. There is absolutely nothing easy about chemo. But sissy does it. She does the one thing that she hates more than anything in the belief that at some point it will do the job and free her body from this evilness that has become an inhabitant in her precious body body.

So for 2010, I say my prayer that I have said nightly, sometimes multiple times a day depending on the situation, since 1992. The only thing that has changed is the last line.

Please keep my family safe.

Please keep my family safe and healthy.

Please keep cancer away from my family along with any other bad diseases of which there are no cures for.

Please keep the children protected.

Please take anything bad that could happen to the children and give it to me and let them have the happiest, safest childhood possible.

Please give us all long, healthy, happy lives.

Please, please, please, please God, I beg you, do with me what you will, but PLEASE give sissy another 40, healthy, happy, enjoyable years.


So there you have it 2010. There are a few small things you could do to make this year worse than last year but if you know what's good for you, you'll make sure that 2010 is as amazingly wonderful as 2009 was shockingly low. I'm talking to you too, God. I'm holding YOU personally responsible for healing sissy and making her completely well. And I'm taking a huge leap of faith here but I'm begging you and will believe that you will give us a year to remember and at the end of it, a year that we will happily celebrate.


Grama said...

Praying and believing too.

Andrea said...

Beautiful post, Cams. Painful, but beautiful. We are believing that Trina will be healed! Love you aLL!!