We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Please

I'm begging everyone to please keep sending positive energy, good thoughts, prayers, ANYTHING, to sissy. We are so desperate to keep her with us.

I saw her briefly today. She doesn't look like the same person. She is very, very jaundiced and the "whites" of her eyes are pure yellow. It's quite Halloween-ish.

She still has lucid moments but for the most part she babbles nonsense. When I walked into her room today she looked great! It was almost like my old sissy. But she quickly turned back into "hospital sissy".

Her red blood cell count is now at 10, which is decent. It was down to 7. However, her biliruben count doubled overnight. What that means is that her liver is unable to process things so the bile goes back into her bloodstream. The doctors refer to this as a result of her "liver disease" aka her liver is so full of cancer it can't function.

I've been saying for the past eight months that to lose my sister is unfathomable. To have to watch my parents lose their daughter would be even worse. But the most horrific thing that I don't think I could handle is to see Asa lose his mum. THAT is what would do me in.

He's been staying with us since Saturday and we've turned the office/guest room into his room. He had Hebrew school tonight and as we were walking to the car to leave for school he asked me if he had to spend the night with us again. I could hear in his voice that he really didn't want. I told him that yes, he'd be staying with us tonight and probably for a few more days. I tried to lighten the mood by telling him to think of it as a fun sleepover.

I've also made a point to never cry in front of him. I have not cried once in his presence in the past eight months. I damn near lost it tonight when I picked him up from Hebrew school. As he was getting himself buckled up in the car he asked me if mum was home from the hospital yet. I told him no and then had to swallow my wracking sobs that were aching to be released when he said "I wish mum was home already."

I am doing my damnedest to make his life as normal as possible and to do what sissy would want. I know I could never take her place but even more than that, I don't want to HAVE to try to take her place.

And I worry so for Joshua. He is so quiet and keeps things inside. He always has been very private but my heart feels like it is physically breaking for him and Asa.

Tomorrow sissy's oncologist will see her and let us know how she is doing and what will happen next.

We are in desperate need of a miracle and time is rapidly running out.

24 comments:

Doripink said...

still praying.
Dori

Steph said...

Praying fervently here too, Cameo. I can't imagine what you are going through right now.

Nicole R. said...

Cameo.... i am so very sad right now. i'm praying for a miracle for Trinia; please, please God - if not for anyone but do it for ASA. i'm sorry you are going through this - your family is so warm, loving and wonderful - i wish i could be there somehow for you. but you guys are in my thoughts always!

Anonymous said...

PRAYING. For All of you.

Patti B.

Anonymous said...

Praying

Crystal said...

Praying nonstop for you and your family~~ My family is praying too we adore you and your family (((HUGS))))

LouLou@thelifeofloulou.blogspot.com said...

Praying constantly. You all haven't left my thoughts for a minute...

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I've never posted before but I found your blog awhile ago via Holly (I adopted a little girl from Guatemala about 3 years ago). I just wanted you to know that I am praying for your family. I pray to God that you get the miracle you are hoping for.

Mary in Arizona

Bonnie said...

praying, praying and praying some more. You are constantly in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Praying fervently.

Princess D said...

Praying for Trina and all of your family. Praying that her body be healed and that she is not in pain. You are doing so much for your family and I admire your strength.
D

Anonymous said...

i don't even know you...just through your blog. but i can't get you and your family off my mind. my heart is breaking and you are right....josh and asa need our prayers more than ever. praying for a miracle for this whole family and esp. want a miracle for trina and asa. i still think that would be the coolest thing to see!! hang in there cameo...i know you are trying to be soooo strong...that is so admirable!! praying very hard.

Cathie said...

praying for your family

Cathie said...

praying for your family

Ann AKA-Clare'sMom said...

Cameo, Please know that I think about you and Trina every minute of every day....
My Heart Is Breaking For You.... Be Strong...

All My Love, Ann

Anonymous said...

All my prayers and thoughts have been with you and sissy and Asa and Josh. I am so sorry and will hope and hope for a miracle.

Tracey said...

You are such a strong woman! I am so happy that Asa(and the rest of the family) has you! I am proud to call you a friend!

My heart is breaking, I don't know what else to say... just that you have so many with you, ready to fight whatever battle you need us to.

Prayers for EVERYONE!

Valerie said...

Praying hard here in Indiana for you guys and Trina. Let us know if you need anything else. Hugs.

Valerie

auntrene said...

Praying for your entire family... I just read your post with tears streaming down my face. Be strong Cameo Be Strong..

Kelley said...

Ive been praying for you and your family since I read your post on Monday that God give you a miracle. Your family seems so strong and amazing. This is not fair and it sucks!

margaret said...

Your family has been on my mind all day today. I am praying for Trina and all of you.
Margaret

The Heinrichs said...

Praying so very hard...

AliciaDawn said...

I am still praying....

Emotional Landmines said...

I've read this blog for a long time - but never commented till now. I'm keeping Trina and the entire family in my prayers.
Paz.-