- Rose Kennedy
Never has a quote so well suited my situation. I first blogged this quote on 08/30/09 and it fits even better today.
Thank you to everyone who has left a comment. I am going to print them out and save to give to Asa when he is older. He will NEVER forget his beloved mum mum.
Thank you again everyone. I don't know when I'll post again, it may not be until next week as tomorrow we go in to finalize plans for the service. That was a sentence I have never wanted to write.
Right now is the easy part. We are all busy, numb, in shock, disbelief and have people in from out of town. It is when things settle down and we begin our new routine that everything will sink in and seem overwhelming. Right now we cry at times but mostly laughing at things we remember. For instance, we were all over at her house today and I had told Joshua I would go through the file cabinet and organize the bills and figure out what was due when, etc..... It was overwhelming to him and I'm all for something to keep me busy. Anyway, sissy was great at documenting her login information for each bill, which is great since they were all different. We all remember this one bill she hated paying. Almost every month she would make some comment about how stupid it was and how she hated having to pay it. I came across it today and the password? "Screw you". I laughed out loud and immediately ran out to the living room to tell everyone. We all got a great laugh out of it and mom and I still crack up about it.
I just need to say something about Joshua. He is amazing. He is beyond amazing. There isn't the right adjective to describe how wonderful, loving, kind and considerate he is. He told me the sweetest thing yesterday. He said whenever I want to call sissy to call him instead. I am going to do that. Every night after I got Valentina to sleep, I'd sit on the couch to decompress and call sissy to see how she was feeling and ask what she was doing. I will now do that with Joshua.
Asa is doing good. He doesn't talk about his emotions but instead uses this little stuffed bear that someone had given to sissy in the hospital. His name is Beary. If you ask Asa how he's feeling, he always says fine. So then we sit Beary on our lap and ask "Beary, how are you doing today?" Asa answers for him and sometimes Beary is sad, sometimes Beary wants to cry, sometimes Beary wants to kick someone, sometimes Beary is ok. I am just grateful that he is able to express himself through Beary.
This week will be incredibly difficult but mom put it best. We are all trying to be there for the other person because we all think the next one has it worse. Of course Joshua and Asa ARE the ones who have it the worst and we worry the most about them, but mom, Papa and I have decided that we don't want things to change. If we want to go to sissy's, we'll go to sissy's. We'll do the same thing we always did, knock on the door and walk in. And Joshua has been extremely generous in telling us to call him anytime, stop by anytime, to just keep doing what we have always done. Again, I can't say enough about how sweet, kind and loving Josh is.
And I have the best friends. I'm eternally grateful for Holly and Julia for making the cross country to be with us. And Amanda, oh my gosh, she is beyond helpful. She came over Saturday morning to take care of the kids while Joshua, mom and I went over things. I'm so blessed with the best friends.
I will forever miss my sissy but she is always with me, not just in my heart, but in physical form with Asa. None of us will ever be the same. I told mom that we're lopsided now. The three of us (mom, sissy and me) were a "well oiled machine". That is how mom always described us. It was like a sturdy three legged stool. Now there are only two legs. We will fall down. We will topple over. But mom said that we will also learn to hobble along.
It is still unbelievable to me that we are all still breathing. We always said, from the time we were growing up, that we wouldn't be able to function if something happened to one of us. And yet we are. We must, not just for ourselves, not just for the next person, but especially for our two miracle children.
Thank you again.