We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Break (Again)

I'm taking another blogging break. Yes, I know I've said that before and I lasted all of about three days so we'll see this time what happens.

Why am I doing this? A few reasons.

First, nothing is changing. Life keeps getting harder and harder. Reality sets in for a bit and then I go back to being in shock and so forth. Life is hell. The kids make us happy. Again, I don't ever want to give the impression that all we do is sit around and cry because we don't. But all of my updates are depressing and there aren't any comments that help (sorry, just being blunt) because NOTHING helps. Nothing does one fucking bit of good except for the kids. So I figure why blog the same shit on a different day just to blog? I'm sure you all are tired of hearing the same shit. I'm tired of feeling the same shit. I may update from time to time with milestones. Asa has soccer coming up, which in and of itself is a land mine. I can't even think that far ahead because it takes everything I have to get through the day. See what I mean? My life is depressing.

Second, rather than journal everything out here and bum everyone out I've starting documenting my life in a book I've always wanted to write and have started many, many times. I have no idea if I'll finish it but right now it's been really weird (cool weird) to sit down to write about one small thing (sometimes it's about our childhood, sometimes it's about sissy and I playing hooky from work and having a long lunch and then shopping) and I find all these stories and adventures that I had forgotten about just come pouring out. So for now my writing is going in there.

So there you go. See you all sometime.


Patti B. said...

You should do whatever you (and your family) need to do. We'll be here :) All the best and a big hug girl...

laselang said...

I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

wy-not said...

Ditto the comments above. Cameo, you and your family will be in my heart and in my prayers. I will come back here to check for updates, but will keep hoping and praying that you are doing whatever it takes to get you through the days. Look after yourself, girl, and when that book is published I'll be in line to buy one hot off the presses.


Kathy said...

You are absolutely right - no matter how well intent a person is - not any persons comments or actions ever help. Everyone handles grief differently, but the sad fact of the matter is grief never truly goes away completely. I, and you too will always have a major hole in our hearts and miss our sisters forever. And there's not a damn thing anybody can do to help fix that!

Hugs...from Kathy in HR

The Vuki Family said...

Oh Cameo I miss your blogs. Your blogs are a comfort for me. I do understand that we all grieve differently..just know that you're someone I look forward to hearing from. Take care!

wy-not said...

Just in case you check in from time to time, Cameo, I want you to know that you and your family are constantly in my prayers. Whether or not you blog here, it makes no difference in the care and concern I feel for all of you. I'd love to see an update at some point, but am hoping that whatever you're doing is having some kind of beneficial therapeutic effect on your poor battered heart. Sending love and cyberhugs.



Lisa Sickles said...

Just letting you know you are all in my prayers. Can NOT even imagine what you are going through. When someone says some stupid sh*t, just think of all of us here that would be willing to come and kick their butts for ya!


Kathy said...

Just incase you happen to check your blog comments - I just wanted to let you know you and your family continue to be included in my prayers. I think about you often - miss you Cameo!

Your friend from HR Kathy