We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Sunday, April 04, 2010


Holidays are hard. Period. And I know that Mother's Day will be even harder than today but right now Easter is the Chernobyl of emotional landmines.

I try so hard to not think forward or backward, to deal with only today but no matter how hard I try, right now my mind rewinds to last year. Last year we had so much fun. We colored eggs on Saturday (which we did again yesterday) and I distinctly remember taking a mental picture of sissy and papa together and thinking they looked so happy. I grabbed my camera and had to take an actual picture., something just told me to get as many pictures as possible. Now I do that anyway, I average taking about 500 pictures a month, but this one was different and I had no idea why.

After we colored eggs there was a break in the rain so mom kept the kids occupied in the house while sissy and I ran outside and frantically hid eggs in the front yard so they could go and find them. It was freezing, we were racing around and laughing hysterically together. Every once in a while sissy and I would look at each other and say the same thing, "this is perfect! Life right now is perfect. We've always wanted to have kids together and now we're both moms, doing everything we can to make our kids happy and we're doing it together." We also looked forward to the next Easter when there would be a third baby since sissy was pregnant at the time.

Never in a million years, despite that odd internal nudge to take that picture of sissy and papa, did I think that our lives would take THIS turn.

Easter this year is not the same. Not even in the same universe as it was last year. I've broken down several times already and I haven't even hid the eggs.

So here's to Easters past..... and may this one be the worst we have to endure.


Patti B. said...

So, so sorry....

Jane said...

Hope this WAS the worst for you.

wy-not said...

Aww Cameo. From the inky depth of the very worst, it can only get slowly better, one baby step at a time. My heart breaks for your loss. It's so uplifting to know that your family shared and continues to openly share your feelings with one another. Sissy knew how much you love her. Beya and Papa and the kids and you and Norm and Joshua – you all know how deeply loved you are. Even with the terrible ache in your heart, you still manage to share the love. That's just a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I hope it lifts you up a bit on your darkest days... sending hugs and prayers to you!


Nicole R. said...

cameo... i thought about you and your family as i lay in bed last night - i'm sorry and yes, holidays are the worst without loved ones. big hugs to you sweetie.


You are all never far from my thoughts and I know how hard it is to go through all those "firsts" after someone we love so much has passed. But as I write this the shining faces of those beautiful kiddos are smiling at me from the side of the page (as I know they do at you IRL every single day) and I hope that continues to give you the strength to face each holiday. Asa really has that same beautiful smile just like his Mum.