We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Monday, September 13, 2010

No Title

I just finished reading "The Year Of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion. She writes of her first year as a widow after her husband of 40 years dies suddenly. In the midst of that fog like state that we know all too well, their only daughter spends most of the year in ICU.

I have thought of a poem in passing the past eight months but never sat down to read it or actually find it. Joan did that for me. It fits both of our situations, although I must admit, I cannot imagine what Didion is going through now. Less than 2 years after her husband died, her only child died as well. While I must clarify that mom, Asa and Valentina keep me going, there are times when I feel exactly like this poem.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

1 comment:

Jill said...

I love you...I think I may get this book. Miss you. Think of you, Trina and the kids every single day.

I passed your blog to my friend Camile who lost her sister as well. You are doing a good thing being public...I love your honesty.