Every month I think "okay, THIS TIME the ninth won't be any worse than any other day of the month" and every month I am slapped in the face with "like hell it's not any worse!" It's everywhere. The energy is different. Even though we have two amazing children who are so full of life and happiness, the NINTH is still looming over my head like a black cloud that I have to protect the kids from. Thank God they don't SEE anything different happening on the ninth of each month but mom and I both know that on the ninth we have to hunker down and just ride it out..... for another thirty or so days.
OH! I have new one for y'all. Someone came over to my house today who hadn't been here since the funeral. We were sitting down at the table and she said "Cameo, you've lost so much weight." I just kind of murmured an acknowledgment of it. Oh no, she couldn't leave well enough alone. She then pushed onward, "what are you doing? Are you trying to lose it?" I just looked at her and said simply "stress." Okay, now here the normal person would just be like, okay, I get it, and stop. Oh no, no, no, no. Here's how the REST of the conversation went:
her - are you back to working again? (I haven't worked in 4 1/2 years!)
me - no.
Long pause. I could tell she was thinking and coming up short.
her - (looking quizzically at me) so what is going on that has you so stressed?
I kid you not, she was actually sitting in my home asking me this insane question. I looked her square in the eyes, laughed out loud to her and shouted "MY SISTER DIED!" Nope. She didn't make the connection. In fact she still had to think about it for a while before she said "oh, well, I guess you were close." Seriously? I mean really? She's a family member, she's known us our whole lives, albeit from afar but still, she was here during the funeral, she hears from other family members exactly what type of hell we are experiencing and she had to sit at my dining room table and ask me why I was stressed. And that is how June Ninth started for me.
But how is it ending? Oh, it's ending on quite a lovely note and in such a sweet way.
Mom had offered to have the kids spend the night with her but Asa said no, he wanted to sleep in his room (at our house). Well, we were expecting these two family members late last night and Asa had spent last night at home with Joshua. In preparation of having late night company mom made up Asa's room and added a twin size blow up bed on the floor next to it for them. They ended up not getting here until late this morning. Today when Asa came over (after they left) I showed him the blow up bed and oh boy, the kids had so much fun with it! They were jumping on it, using it as a bouncing off point to jump onto Asa's bed, taking turns getting into each bed and "going to sleep" (at 1 pm), they were just having the time of their lives. Papa is gone for a few days so mom had told the kids that they would have plenty of room in her bed. Nope, Asa wanted to sleep in his room. Then he remembered the extra bed and asked mom if she would spend the night in his room on the blow up bed. Of course mom obliged and that led to them wanting to have Valentina partake of this slumber party. Who am I to rain down on an oh so desperately needed parade that happens to come on the ninth? I didn't. And so I leave you tonight with how I left them, the only change being both kiddos on the blow up bed and Beya in Asa's bed: