We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I Love You Mom

Mom,

I love you way too much than to wish you a happy birthday. I know it won't be happy. I know it will suck. But I'm so damn thankful to be spending it with you.

I love you.

I love the way you give me space when I cry.

I love the way you hold me when I cry.

I love the way you are so much more than a Beya to my children.

I love the way I can lean on you and no matter how heavy my heart, you still have the ability to support me.

I love the way you whipped up my couch cushions in about 32 seconds.

I love the way you make me feel needed as much as I need you.

I love the way we have our coffee together in the morning.

I love the way we can sit together and not talk and just be with our own thoughts, even though our thoughts are exactly the same.

I love the way I can tell you my most horrible thoughts and wishes and you don't make me feel bad for having them.

I love the way you've shown me how to be a mom.

I love that in this horrific nightmare of a life we have been handed, I have you.

I love that I have someone who is grieving in pretty much exactly the same way that I am.


Yes, I realize now that almost every single thing I listed is how you support ME but I can honestly say that right now without you, there would be no me.


Most of all mom, I love you, just the way you are.

I love you.

Unconventional Holiday

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It also happens to be mom's birthday. Mom was born on her parents wedding anniversary and when we came home from Guatemala with Valentina on November 25, 2007 it was just another way of keeping this date "in the family" so to speak. This date has had meaning in our family for the past 85-90 years, I'm not sure the year my grandparents got married.

November 25, 2010 is a date unlike any other.

We've been struggling to find something to do for Thanksgiving this year. Do we go out? Do we go to a family members? Do we stay home and cook? That last question was answered in about 3 seconds since mom and I both felt like vomiting every time we thought of cooking a Thanksgiving meal.

So what to do, what to do, what to do. We finally came to a decision today.

Joshua, Asa and papa are going to Josh's side of the family.

Norm and Valentina are going to his mom's side of the family.

The birthday girl and I are hibernating at my house. I'm making pizza. We've rented "The Hangover", "Borat" and "Bruno".

An unconventional "holiday" indeed.

Mom and I are grieving in such a similar way that we find such comfort with each other. When one of us breaks down the other knows not only why but what triggered the breakdown whether it was a commercial, a phrase, a memory, a song or even nothing at all.

So that is what I will be doing tomorrow and I am so very thankful for my mom.