We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I Miss

I woke up crying this morning. It's been a while since that has happened so I consider myself lucky. There are just countless things I miss.

I miss talking to my sister about our kids.

I miss hearing about things that Asa did from sissy.

I miss telling sissy about things Valentina has done.

I miss talking to my sister.

I miss having adventures with my sister.

I miss driving with my sister.

I miss listening to the Killers and Coldplay and U2 with sissy and replaying the good times we had at their concerts.

I miss planning trips with her that we would never take but it was oh so much fun to plan them together.

I miss teasing sissy about her tender toes.

I miss Asa bursting through the front door and sissy breezing in after him.

I miss hearing what she made for dinner and telling her what a great wife and mother she was to cook for her boys every night.

I miss her laughingly ask me what I made for dinner because we both knew I didn't cook anything.

I miss hearing sissy bitch about having to come up with something to make for dinner. She would always tell me "I could eat a bowl of cereal for dinner but the boys need to have a meat, a starch and a vegetable. That is my biggest stress in life! What to make for dinner!"

I miss what to make for dinner being the biggest stress in her life.

I miss sissy leaving my house in the evening with a bag full of groceries she had swiped from me to make dinner... along with a roll of paper towels and a package of toilet paper.

I miss being woken up by a phone call from sissy.

I miss talking to sissy after I got Valentina put to bed.

I miss seeing sissy's cell phone number on my cell phone. I call her cell phone now just so I can have "Sissy's Cell" show up on my list of calls.

I miss laughing so hard with her and mom that we couldn't breathe and one of us would pee our pants, just a little.

I miss teasing whoever peed their pants, just a little (because it was never me).

I miss teasing sissy that she never stopped talking.

I miss hearing her voice constantly.

I miss watching sissy give Valentina a mani-pedi.

I miss hearing sissy say "Vali!"

I miss Valentina having an aunt.

I miss Asa having an aunt. Both kids lost an aunt when she died. I am a parent to Asa, I can no longer be his fun aunt.

I miss having a conduit to vent to if I was upset with mom. I would talk to sissy and then sissy would tell mom and then mom would call me and we would work it out. Same thing with mom, she would call sissy, sissy would call me and I'd call mom and we would work it out. Sissy would have a problem with me so she would call mom, mom would call me and I would call sissy. We called it our party line.

I miss having our three way phone calls while all of us watched the same show on tv.

I miss everything about my sister.


Jen said...

I am SO SORRY honey. This post broke my heart. I am so sorry the weight of sadness was heavier than the heaviest this morning. I am so sorry.

You cracked me up though when you wrote how she used to say this....

the boys need to have a meat, a starch and a vegetable.

Love, Love, Love to you today and always!

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry that you have to miss your sissy. I'm sorry that you have to miss all of these things with her. I'm sorry that nothing anyone can say or do will make it better. It's just not fair. It's not supposed to be this way.

I miss reading her blog posts about everyday wife/mom/family stuff. I miss reading about your adventures together. I miss the laughter that you shared. I'm just sorry that she isn't here with you. I'm sorry that your heart will always be broken. I'm sorry that a part of you will always be missing.