We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


I hate it when people copy me. Now I know I'm super cool and all (sarcasm font please) but really, when I go to another blog and see that they have done the same thing as me, use the same phrases as me and do almost the exact same layout as me, well, it's really fucking annoying. And I know it's copied after me because it's someone I know and who knows me and has copied other things in my life too.

Monday, September 26, 2011


Today is Asa's birthday so of course yesterday was his SURPRISE birthday party. It went perfectly! He was so surprised and all the kids were great. There were 9 kids and about 25 adults, just the right amount of people for the house to not feel cramped. Asa said it was his best birthday ever.

Friday was cram packed full.

We drove to Seattle to have lunch with.........JEN!!!!!! I can't wait to write all about it but in a nutshell I felt like I had known Jen all my life. We talk on the phone and when we (finally, haha) met at the restaurant I just sat next to her and it was like we had always known each other. She is one of the most genuine, REAL, extraordinary, funny, self deprecating, loving, (dingy) and generous person I've ever met. Friday deserves it's own blog post and I'm going to write it as soon as I get the pictures from my camera........which I have to wait til Friday to get since I forgot it at my cousin's house in Seattle. Luckily Norm is working there all week so he's able to pick it up.

Speaking of my husband, I feel like I won't remember who he is. He had to leave the party early to drive back up to Seattle for work this week. He no sooner comes home Friday night and then has meetings all day Saturday and Sunday morning he flies out for more meetings and won't be home until Tuesday night.

I'm so grateful to have my parents. Beya and Papa did more than help me for the party, they DID the party and Josh paid for it so really all I had to do was throw it.

I feel like I've been running on adrenaline for the past two weeks and now I'm totally going to crash both emotionally and physically.

So I have two posts to write, Asa's birthday party and Friday's Seattle trip so stick around.


Asa, you are now my SEVEN year old boy and I couldn't love you any more than I already do!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I GOT IT!!!!!!

I'm so damn excited that I won an ebay auction for Asa's AT-AP Walker!!!! I pick it up this afternoon. $36!!! No box but hell, $36 with no box or $125 sealed in box. Hmmm.... wonder which is better.....

Thank you sissy!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


We've got a busy weekend coming up. We're going out of town for the day. We were going to be gone for 2 nights and then we changed it to 1 and now I think we're just going for the day. There are several (boring) reasons why we decided to just be gone for the day but we're going to see some super special people that I can't wait to see!!!! We are also going to see my cousin, his wife and their 2 kids. Their daughter and Asa have the same birthday so we're going to do a lowkey dinner/combined birthday party. I'm excited to see them also.

We also have a soccer game and Sunday is Asa's surprise birthday party!!! I'm hoping the weather will be nice so we can do it outside and so far the forecast is calling for dry but overcast. Anything other than rain and I'll be a happy camper.

Birthdays for the kids are always hard. I don't remember any of them since sissy died. I see photos of them so I have proof that we actually had a party but I have no memory of it. I was watching the news over the weekend and saw that both Kara Kennedy and Eleanor Mondale died on the same day, both at 51. Kara's daughter had a birthday just a few days later and mom and I gasped when we heard that. How horrible for them! How could they live through that? Not only did her family have to deal with her dying but then a birthday so close to it? I was just thinking "how? How can one family do that?"

Then it hit me. WE did that.

Sissy died 5 days before Valentina's birthday.

Jen asked me a funny question when I was talking to her one day. "When is Valentina's birthday?" She laughed once she realized what she was asking me as I had just blogged how confused I get when someone asks me when it is. Jen followed up with "nevermind! I know how difficult that question is for you!" We laughed and laughed.

Sunday is Asa's party and Monday is his actual birthday. I'm getting all my melancholy shit out now because when I write his birthday post I refuse to have anything of a downer in it.

So that's it. Busy busy busy which is always good. And again, so far I love Asa's 1st grade teacher. We've really lucked out thus far. I'm both dreading and looking forward to next year when both kids are in the same school. I know Valentina is going to have a very hard adjusting to full days in school but it will be best for her. I want to cry just thinking about it and I know it's going to be difficult but I can't homeschool her, it just wouldn't be right for her. She needs to be around other kids and follow a schedule. It took her all year to get used to pre-school and this year she's doing better. I know "real" school is going to be harder but again, it's not about me and what I want, it's about what is best for her. Sucks being a parent sometimes and making those hard decisions, don't it?

Saturday, September 17, 2011


I'm on the search for a Star Wars Lego #7671 AT-AP Walker for Asa's birthday. If anyone has one or knows of anyone who has one or knows of anyone who knows of anyone who has one, please let me know. It doesn't need to be in a sealed box but it does need to have the box and all the pieces, including the minifigs. I'm stalking a few on ebay.

Thank you!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

Beya and Papa went to the cabin yesterday. My great friend had told me Friday night that the house was safe and the fire was about a mile north of it. What great news! I know, the fire was a whole MILE away!!! Before that would have sounded close, now it seems like 60 miles. But mom and papa were able to get in yesterday. Mom said the sky was even blue. They contemplated spending the night but mom knew I would have fuh-reaked so they didn't put me though that. Thank you mom!

They packed up a few things just on the off chance that the winds pick up and the fire takes a turn. We got the pictures. a few things from Guatemala, a few items of my grandparents and oh, the most important, the kids' big bears. They SCREAMED with delight when mom walked through the door last night with those in hand.

So everything is ok and I'm glad the cabin didn't get burned up.

Friday, September 09, 2011

Fire Update Part II

The fire had hit the end of our driveway as of this afternoon. Our driveway is about a half mile long. There is only one way in and out of the cabin and that is where the fire is.

There is a list of people that the officials are notifying when that persons home or property has been lost. Fingers crossed, Beya and Papa are not yet on that list.

Again, a big thank you to my friend who is keeping me updated with the most accurate and latest information. Thank you, YOU! You know who you are!!! I love you.

Fire Update

Below is a map of the forest fire that is threatening Beya and Papa's house. I've erased some of the roads out of privacy. The red area is the fire. The yellow square is our house. Each square in the map is 1 mile. As you can see, it's right about a mile away. It all depends on the wind. The firefighters are amazing, they work around the clock and trust me, they don't do it for the money!!! One of my oldest and closest friends was a firefighter and let me tell you, it's in their blood. They are some of the most heroic people I can think of. So far about 30+ houses have been burned. It could go either way. And again, either way there's nothing we can do about it.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Alarming Fire

There's a big forest fire that was many miles away from my parents cabin. No more. I got a text from a really close friend with inside information and she's been keeping us updated.

The fire, as of about an hour ago, was a mile and a half away and headed straight for the cabin.

To lose my childhood home wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to us in the past 2 years but it still isn't on my top things of what I want to happen either.

I was talking to mom about it and I told her that I wanted the pictures. All of my childhood pictures with sissy are in the cabin. It's where sissy and I grew up together. It's where I lived from the time I was 5 until 17. Trina loved going to the cabin after Asa was born. I began to tolerate it after Valentina came home. It's out in the middle of nowhere and I just feel so isolated out there that it makes me sad but mom, papa and Trina have always loved it. Valentina and Asa love going there. I haven't been there since way before sissy died.

The pictures. I want the pictures. Then again like I told mom instead of growing old with sissy and being able to talk about all of our escapades all I have is a fucking notebook with things written down.

I still don't want our house to burn. I really don't.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011


I haven't blogged in a while. I mean really, emotionally laid things out there. There's a couple of reasons.

First, I hate for this to be just a dumping ground. Nobody wants to read that. I hate to be so negative all the time with my writing so when I get really down I don't like to write.

Second, things have been busy. Kids starting school, kids starting soccer, kids getting sick from starting school, making lunches, schedules again, etc....

Third, my back and neck were super bad. I never recovered from the drive to Boise.

Fourth, I've been struggling to find the right color for my entryway and one wall in the dining room.

Fifth, Asa has decided that he wants a suprise birthday party. As luck would have it we're having the party the day after we get back from a little getaway.

So that's the gist of it.

Busy, busy, busy, sad, sad, sad, stay busy to keep from being too sad, repeat.

However one thing that has SUCKED is the last three nights I've had dreams of sissy. I cannot stress enough how much I hate dreams like this. They are always in the same. She's been gone and she comes back but only for a scant amount of time so we have to cram as much talking and laughing into this short amount of time because at any given moment she's going to die again. And when she comes back she's healthy, she doesn't have cancer but she's going to die. In one of them we were on the phone talking and I laughed to her "I had forgotten how much it was just to talk on the phone with you!" It's the little things I miss so much about her. I (mom) painted the entryway and I didn't like the color. I wanted so badly to ask sissy what she thought of it. We BBQ'd over Labor Day weekend and the table would lapse into quiet silence every so often. You wouldn't think that it could be so quiet with 9 people (two of them children) but I kept thinking "if sissy was here we'd be laughing so hard".

I miss her. I miss her so much. I miss having a sister. I miss having someone who grew up with me and knows me inside and out. I miss teasing her. I miss her teasing me. I miss her voice. I miss the scar on her hand. I miss the way she would hug me and I always thought how small her body frame was. I miss talking to her about tv. I miss the two of us getting so excited over the Fall TV Season. I miss being normal. I miss Asa saying the word mum mum. I miss Valentina saying TT. I miss the phone ringing and having it be her on the other line. I miss mom's cell phone ringing and her answering the phone in the tone that always let me know she was talking to her oldest daughter. I miss us. I miss the family we used to be.