We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Already

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Already.

Already the second Thanksgiving without sissy.

Already the third Thanksgiving since cancer charged in and turned our family upside down.

Thanksgiving already.

I'm very, very proud of mom and me making a whole Thanksgiving dinner for the seven of us. I still go into denial in my head and keep saying "it's not real, sissy just isn't here this year. She's not really dead. In fact it's always been the seven of us. She wasn't even here. That was all an illusion. This life I have now is all that I've ever had." Talk about denial and avoidance!

The next few months don't let up, emotionally. I feel like I need to shut down and hunker down to get through past Valentina's birthday (mid February). After that I'll have a few weeks when I can fall apart but until then I need to keep everything shoved down as much as possible. I don't have the luxury of time or emotional strength to deal with this until then.

Three months. I need to shut down for three months.

Thanksgiving is already here.

Mom's birthday is already here.

Time to get our Christmas tree already.

December 13, 14, 15 and 16 already.

Hanukkah already.

Christmas already.

New Years Eve, the last time sissy was at my house, already.

January 2-9 already.

January 9-15 already.

Get ready for Valentina's birthday already.

Valentina's 5th birthday already.

Valentina's third birthday without her TT already.

Valentina's party already.

After Valentina's party, fall apart.

Already.

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