We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Kameo's Korner

I'm tired, and I'm sure everyone else is too, of posting about my one big problem that nobody can do anything about. I miss sissy. I abhor the fact that she's gone. I despise that our lives have had to change so drastically.

So! Today I will bitch about trivial bullshit like everyone else. Today I will attempt to be just a regular bitch instead of a grieving bitch. Today I aspire to be like a Charlie Sheen except I will post everything that is not WINNING! in my life.

1. My kids can drive me crazy. Seriously. The constant asking for more of something, not listening to anything I'm saying, my always catching them in the act of leaving the bathroom without washing their hands, etc... I love them dearly but sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Which brings me to......

2. My bipolar brain. Okay, this might not be a typical mom complaint but it's my complaint. Again I'm so grateful for my mental health medication, I cannot imagine my life without it and hate to think of what my family would be going through without me on them but it still sucks having this. I saw my psychiatrist this week and explained to him that I feel like sensory overload sometimes. It's like when you walk into a casino and all the bells and music and NOISE is just blaring. I've compared it in the past to having a bingo ball cage in my head and all those balls bouncing around. If I'm asked one question I feel like I'm being asked five. So when I have five things going on at once (which is normal) I feel like there are 20. Studies show that bipolar and it's traits get worse as you get older. Throw in a severe trauma and voila! Perfect storm for feeling overwhelmed! Yay!

3. Clingy, idiotic, know it all people. Now I know I'm super cool to be around, just look at the above notes to see what a joy I am (sarcasm!) but seriously, this one chick at Asa's school is just plain irritating!!! She's like a piece of shit on the bottom of your shoe that you try to scrape off and it just won't budge and once you've finally kicked the last of it off you can still smell it. That's her. I told mom I'm requesting that Asa NOT be in her kids class next year. I've complained about her in the past and I know I'm giving her entirely too much credit to have such an impact on my life but damn she's annoying!

4. Being sick with the cold. We've all had it for the past week or two. It sucks. Oh, and it makes me even funner to be around, if you can imagine that.

5. Bags under my eyes. I was getting ready the other morning and mom gasped at me. She told me I had big dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. I looked in the mirror and I looked like a junkie. Mom said it looked more like I had a black eye. I showed Norm when he came home and he said "you need to get this cleared up before we see our marriage counselor next week!" Maybe that's why my other doctor asked me if everything was ok at home.....

6. Going to the bathroom. This one I've had for years. I always used to complain to sissy that I hated going to the bathroom. It's such a waste of time.

7. Realizing I'm out of Tylenol Meltaways at 7pm.... and finding out the store across the street doesn't have them so I have to get back into my car while it's pouring down rain and go to another store twice as far away from the other closest store because I can't go to the other one because that's where Trina and I always went to.

8. Dry lips. I have about five lip balms but no matter how much I use my lips are always dry.

9. Tripping over shoes/legos/toys/mini chairs/stools/anything that is in my path that shouldn't be.

10. Dropping things. It seems like whenever I'm rushed for time, which feels like all the time, I always drop something. I drop my phone, a utensil, a glass of water, a dish, a piece of food, hell I just dropped one of the kids' Polar Express bell that I didn't even remember I had! Yes, I found myself crawling around on the floor in my gynecologists office trying to retrieve it. I hate dropping things.

11. Constant pain. I try really hard not to bitch about my neck/back problems but they really suck. I had a two level cervical fusion in April 2003, the second level didn't fuse and one of the six screws drilled into the titanium plate that is is holding my neck together broke. On top of that I have three herniated discs AND a piece of bone all pressing on my spinal cord. I'm on permanent weight restriction which means I can't lift anything over 25 lbs ever again. I can't do anything repetitive like loading or unloading the dishwasher and stress makes it worse. I have to take pain meds and muscle relaxants every 2-3 hours. The muscle spasms are so severe that they have actually changed the curve of the neck. There are times when I can't get a grip on the pain and I have to lay down which really sucks because that's not really conducive to raising two kids and then I have to rely even MORE on Beya which I hate. I hate feeling useless. I always say I'm lucky because my pain isn't trying to kill me like the unbelievable pain that sissy had with cancer.

Since I'm not posting anything cancer related I'm leaving off items 12-937,205,791,468.

I almost didn't post this because I know it seems trivial, especially since I just read Jen's blog showing Aviana practicing to become an astronaut and I know how minor each and every one of these rants are.

That, however, is the whole point of this post. I have these trivial, bullshit things that are irritating happening in my life and I just wish I could complain, and laugh, about them to sissy.