We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Monday, March 14, 2011

My Baby Girl

Valentina has been sick for about the past 9 days. Her low grade fever left about five days ago but she's still had a sore throat and a bit of a cough. She does pretty good during the day but by evening she's worn out and tired. She had me up around 3am a few nights ago so I laid with her and she asked me, with her eyes closed and so tired, "mama, when am I gonna stop coughing?" She asked mom yesterday (who was up with her at 4am and rocked her) "Beya, when am I gonna be well?"

I took her in to the doctor today and he told me what I already knew; Valentina needs surgery to remove her tonsils. They are so big they are causing her kiddie sleep apnea.

I'm dreading it but the past few weeks I've been telling mom and Norm that once her cold cleared up I wanted to get going on having her tonsils removed.

Ever since Valentina came home her doctor and I have been having this discussion. There was a small chance her little body would catch up to her massive tonsils but I knew this would happen.

I know it's a routine surgery but I still hate the thought of it. The fact that we'll be having it done at the same hospital sissy died is not fun either. Asa has had three surgeries but they weren't as invasive. He was born with a clogged tear duct so he basically had to have it roter rootered. Next came a cyst removal on the top of his ear. The cyst grew back so he had to have it removed again and that did the job. Trina didn't want us at any of the surgeries because she wanted it as low key as possible and didn't want to freak Asa out by having all of us there.

For a split second today I thought to myself "yeah, I bet Trina won't stay home when Valentina has her surgery! I'm sure she'll have to be there!" I'd like to believe she WILL be there, watching over her Vali but I don't know what happens after someone dies. Half of the time I think you just die and that's it, you don't go anywhere, your soul dies too. The other time I want so badly to believe her soul did go to heaven and she's up there with Jesus and our grandma who she loved so much. Here's the bitchy part of me coming out; any time someone says to me "oh, she's up there all right" I want to say "yeah, and you also told me 'Trina will be fine, she'll beat this cancer, I KNOW it'."

So that's it, Valentina needs surgery. I'm waiting to hear back from the ENT. I would like this done ASAP so I can just get it done and over with so Valentina can finally breathe normally and she won't have to deal with a sore throat all the time or struggle to breathe when she gets sick.


So, the amazing and unbelievably strong Jen gave me this award. She is seriously one of the most, well, I can't think of the right superlative right now, but she's super cool and the way she fights for her Aviana is just awe inspiring.

One of the rules of this is that I'm supposed to tag seven people. Jen's blog is pretty much the only one I read so I don't really have anyone to tag. BUT I'm supposed to write seven things about me. In keeping with Jen's theme I'm going with light and airy bullshit stuff about me.

1. I hate Rachael Ray (or however dumb way she spells it). Hate her. She's so annoying and fake.

2. I watch "Real Housewives of OC", "Atlanta" and "Beverly Hills". Pretty much every single woman makes me want to vomit yet I can't turn away. The Atlanta one cracks me up the most because they are all so ghetto but think they are "high class". Kyle and Lisa are my favorite ones from Beverly Hills because they seem the most "normal" and I was devilishly happy watching Kelsey Grammer leave that plastic bitch Camille on national TV. Tamra and Gretchen are more alike than they would ever admit to, both skanky.

3. I love Gummi Bears. Those and Laffy Taffy are my favorite candy, but only the green and red Laffy Taffy's. I buy them in bulk and rifle through them to just get the red and green ones. I'm ashamed to admit that the kids each got a giant Gummi Bear for Christmas and I hid them for myself. Watching tv one night with mom I needed some sugar so I broke one of them out. Mom just happened to look at me at the exact time I decapitated him with my mouth. I don't think she'll ever be able to erase the horror of what she witnessed.

4. I'm an HGTV slut. Saturday and Sunday's were made for HGTV. I come up with a million ideas of what I want to do with my house and make all these plans that I can't afford and have remodeled my house probably 729 times in my head.

5. "Know your land, know your prey." Mom got me sucked into a "Mantracker" marathon one Saturday during a brief HGTV break.

6. I think I've already mentioned this one but I find Karl Pilkington very attractive. I'm so bummed "An Idiot Abroad" is over.

7. I'm obsessive about always having my kitchen cupboards shut. I hate it when one of them is left open. I get that from mom because she was the same way when we were growing up. I used to go into the kitchen and "turn" the cupboard doors open and pretend I was Vanna White on "Wheel of Fortune."