We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Therapy Already

No, I haven't seen my therapist yet but I had a GIANT therapy session with a total stranger Sunday. I have a "no soliciting" sign on our front door because we were getting at least 3-5 people a week trying to sell me something. One time I had some dude come by and try to sell me his landscaping skills. Purely for shock value (and it was the truth) I told him "nah, I have a Mexican who does it for really cheap", meaning papa. The look on this guys face was totally worth it.

Anyway, Sunday I had some Bible thumper come by. This isn't the first time I've had one come by since sissy died but the kids are always swarming me and I can't really have an in depth conversation. Sunday I managed to go out on the front porch, shove the kids inside and shut the door.

This was a conversation 21 months in the making.

I had SUCH a great time!!!! I almost felt bad for the guy. Our conversation went a little something like this:

Dude - Hi, we're (he had some 8 year old boy with him in a suit that was 3 sizes too big) just out talking about God's love and wondering if you had a few minutes so we could talk to you.

Me (arms folded, smiling smugly and gearing up for a conversation) - Actually my sister died of cancer 21 months ago.

Dude - Oh, I'm so sorry, I know what that's like, a friend of mine just died of cancer. Do you feel like God let you down?

Me - No. I know God didn't want her to die.

Dude (surprised) - Oh. So you believe in the Bible and God.

Me - No, I don't really believe in the Bible. I believe in God and I believe in miracles but we don't always get what we want.

Dude - So you have faith then?

Me - No. My sister had faith up until the day she died. The doctors gave her 2-5 years to live and she died 8 months later.

Dude (very sadly) - Oh, so you feel like God let her down?

Me - No I don't.

Dude (very confused now) - So you don't feel like God her down?

Me - No, I know God didn't let her down. There are people that get healed and there are people that died and we never know which way it's going to go.

Dude - So you believe that Bible shows you things, right?

Me - No. I don't really believe in the Bible.

Dude (now desperately wishing he had paid attention to my no soliciting sign) - Well the Bible is a very powerful thing and God has shown people passages in it.

Me - I know. I felt like God had shown me passages too but they didn't turn out. My parents were positive that God had shown them things in the Bible while my sister was sick but they didn't come true. The mind is a very powerful thing that can make us see and believe things that aren't there and aren't real.

Dude (trying very hard to get me to admit that I was angry with God) - So you feel like God let your parents down.

Me (still very calm and holding my own better than him at this point) - No, I don't. God doesn't want bad things to happen. Horrible things happen all over the world every second of the day. God can't intervene in every situation. I don't blame God but I feel like the Bible is a giant game of telephone. Things always get confused and convoluted every time something is translated or revised. It would be impossible for the Bible to be that old and transcribed that many times and have everything still be exactly the same.

This went on for about 20 minutes before the dude finally realized he couldn't get me to be angry with God no matter how many ways he phrased it or asked it. He was very confused as to how I could believe in God but not take the Bible as, well, scripture. He finally walked away without handing me any of his paperwork trying to save me, I think he figured I was a lost cause.

It felt SO GOOD to say my beliefs, and somewhat lack of, to someone who considered themselves an expert and hold my own.

Now THAT was a good (and free) therapy session!

*I didn't re-read this post so please excuse any typos or errors in grammar.