May is hard.
ER cancer diagnosis. I'll never forget mom coming into my bedroom, shutting the door and simply saying "it's the worst possible news." I knew immediately before I could even choke out the word. "Cancer?"
A day full of doctor appointments. There was a chance that the ER doctor was wrong! There could be a reasonable explanation for her liver enzyme numbers! It was possible that this was just a horrible mistake! We had HOPE! We had FAITH! We BELIEVED!!!
The cancer diagnosis was confirmed. Cancer had indeed thrown our lives into a tornado that will never end. It was unreal to me that this horrible truth could occur on Cinco de Mayo. This was our holiday! This was our day of celebration! How could this happen on a day that we liked to party?
28 months since sissy died.
This would be the last Mother's Day that Asa had his mum mum. This would be the last Mother's Day that Beya and Papa could celebrate their oldest daughter being a mom.
28 months since the service.
My Grandma, Beya's mom, died.
Sissy and I had planned and looked forward to going to the "Sex and the City" movie opening night. We had decided to release our inner Carrie Bradshaw and wear fabulous outfits that would make Patricia Field proud but we canned it because Grandma had just died.
My grandma would always recite the "What Is So Rare As A Day In June" poem.
We had tickets to see Kanye West but decided not to go due to grandma's passing.
So yes, May is hard.
June is hard because it's Father's Day and papa is missing a daughter.
July. Our annual Independence Day party.
August. Sissy's birthday month.
September. School starts and Asa's birthday.
October. My birthday without my sister and Halloween.
November. Josh's birthday. Mom's birthday. Thanksgiving. They day we put up and decorate our fake tree in the family room. The day we get our live tree.
February. The month we celebrate Valentina's birthday.
March. Norm's birthday and sometimes Easter.
April. Sometimes Easter.
And then back to May again.
It's a vicious, cruel and never ending cycle.
Every day is hard.