We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Monday, January 02, 2012

DONE!!!!

In what was yet another obsession designed to help take my mind off of which it can never be taken off of, I have redesigned my blog.

Valentine's Day, or as we call it, Valentina's Day. Oh so what if her birthday is two days AFTER Valentina's Day? So sue me. Hell, we've already changed her birthday month so two days isn't going to do anything. I have started to think ahead when she starts school next year and the teacher asks Valentina when her birthday is to compare to the schools records. Ooopsie!!! Luckily our school is small enough that they will be able to understand. I hope.

ANYWAY, since it is midnight and I said I was going to bed 90 minutes ago I will say only this. The next two weeks are such an unbelievable hell that I'm going to use my blog in another way. "What?" you may be asking yourself. "Is she not going to be the down, pessimistic person we've grown to simultaneous hate and barely tolerate?"

Better.

I have decided that I will try to blog every day until January 15th, the day we buried my sister, and I will be writing something so embarrassing about MYSELF. And just in case you were going to write "I know Trina is looking down and laughing right now!" well, please don't because really, you DON'T know that she is looking down and laughing so please don't say that.

Anyway, I already have my first story written in my head and boy is it a doozy.

So to recap, the next 2 weeks are absolute hell for us. I may not be responding to emails, texts, phone calls or door knocks for the next two weeks. Good thing Amanda has our garage code :) But I will be trying to do the opposite, every time I feel such a physical pain of grief I will try to sit down and write something so funny. OH! And I'm also going to take this time to complain.

Complain.

Complain about all the insignificant, stupid, worthless, pieces of shit, specks in the wind "problems" I have and make them seem like a "normal" person's problems. Instead of reading about these "problems" from other people and wanting to yell at them "AT LEAST YOUR CHILD ISN'T DEAD!!! AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T HAVE CANCER RUIN AND STEAL YOUR PERSON! AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE A SEVERELY BRAIN DAMAGED BEAUTIFUL CHILD!" That last one was for Jen because let's face it, EVERYONE'S problems seem so beyond, BEYOND, teeny tiny when you think of what her, Dave and Aviana deal with day in, day out, in limbo.

My goal:

In the next two weeks complain about trivial bullshit.

Write at least 10 embarrassing stories of myself..... or somebody else's if they had the bad luck to have me around. I'm the person who when someone falls in front of me I DON'T ask them if they got hurt and try to help them up. I'm the one who's trying so damn hard to cover my mouth to hide my giggles and also making sure my whole body isn't shaking with laughter at them. Given I have had the opportunity to be around such sad, unlucky people, I think I shall make my goal just fine :)

So there. And please excuse any grammar errors, I'm not re-reading this, I'm off to bed. Kids go back to school tomorrow and I have to get back on my morning routine.

Two Years

Today is January 2.

Two years ago today is when sissy entered the hospital for what was to be a "routine" blood transfusion as she was feeling weak.

Two years ago today I knew she was dying.

Two years ago today Asa woke up for the first time without his mom as she had already left for the hospital when he got up. Papa stayed at the house so Asa didn't have to get up and come over here.

Two years ago today I ripped down all my outdoor Christmas stuff to help keep my mind busy. It didn't work.

Two years ago today started the worst week.

Two years ago was the beginning of a new decade.

Two years ago was January two.

We had such high hopes for a new decade.

Two years ago........

Today starts us reliving each and every day of the next two weeks.

The two worst weeks of my life.

Maybe.

There have been days and weeks in the past two years that were harder than I ever thought possible.

Two years ago today sissy had a week to live.

Two years is not a long amount of time.

Two years is an infinite amount of time.

Two years has brought an insane, immeasurable, unbelievable amount of change.

Two years.

104 weeks.

730 days.

17,520 hours.

1,051,200 minutes.

Trust me, some of those minutes seemed like hours. Some of those minutes I didn't think I could make it to the next one.

Each one of those 1,051,200 minutes counts.