I hate the fact that I miss my sister.
I hate that in my head I have imaginary conversations with her instead of the real ones we should be having.
I hate that I will think of something as a year or two ago but in reality I have the ruler of "was that before or after she died?"
I hate that 26 months ago she died.
I hate the 9th of the month.
I hate the 2nd of the month.
I hate the 15th of the month.
I hate the rest of the month.
I hate that 34 months ago she was diagnosed with cancer and given 2-3 years to live.
I hate that she died eight months later.
I hate that Asa doesn't have his mom.
I hate that Valentina is so clingy with me in some part because she knows that I could die at any time. She saw it happen with Asa's mom.
I hate it that sissy isn't here to talk about her Vali.
I hate that I can't take Asa's side of things as an aunt and spoil him.
I hate that every time I see a Chevy Blazer for a split second I wonder why sissy is out running errands without me.
I hate that I take the long way to the store to avoid driving past her house.
I hate that I have to avert my eyes when I see the "sister" greeting cards.
I hate that I don't have sissy to vent to.
I hate that I can't call her.
I hate that she isn't here to talk me into buying stuff that I don't need.
I hate that I can't listen to her laugh.
I hate that I can't listen to her complain how tired she is.
I hate that I miss her phone calls and then keep getting a busy signal when I call her back because we're both calling each other at the same time.
I hate that I can't gossip to her.
I hate that I can't gang up on mom with her.
I hate that we have missed countless adventures together.
I hate that I can't ever go to a spa again.
I hate that I get eye rolls from my husband about not being able to do something because it hurts too much and he thinks I "should be over it."
I hate that I can't listen to the radio because I never know when a song will come on that will bring all sorts of memories and emotions of us.
I hate that mom has lost her oldest daughter.
I hate that at one point I will become older than my sister.
I hate that my sister is gone.