We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Tuesday, May 08, 2012


I just have to say that last nights season finale of "Castle" was absolute perfection. I had seen the previews of Kate walking into a room, grabbing a man and appearing to kiss him. It didn't take a diehard fan to see the background was Rick's apartment but still, you never know if it will be a dream or if the scene will cutaway or a myriad of other ways that it could be resolved. I only took one Ambien last night so I could be "present" and watch the show. If you remember, this had been one of sissy's favorite shows and I started watching it after she died. I have imaginary conversations with her in my head during and after each episode so this show holds a very special place in my heart. There were quite a few shows that we watched together but only a handful of ones that she watched and I didn't. "Leverage" was another one and I've since become an avid fan of that also.

Anyway, I have a routine of watching "Castle". I must be alone or if Norm is with me he must be absolutely silent. There must be no talking, even during the commercials, it interferes with my "conversations" with sissy. Last night I didn't even have to tell Norm to be quiet, I think he was as in to it as I was. We were both leaning towards the tv in anticipation. I couldn't wait to tell Beya this morning what had happened. I talk to her about it in the same way that sissy talked to me about it in that mom doesn't watch the show but does listen to me. I even got a bit emotional while watching it, which as you know I try to hold back my emotions as much as possible. I found a great article on the season finale.

I thought last years season finale was amazing but I was hoping this one would be less dramatic and have a few more ends tied up.

It was perfection.

Dentist And Dizziness

So I was supposed to go to the dentist today.

I didn't go.

BUT, I had a great reason why I didn't go. It turns out the Union has a contract with another dental place and we pretty much have a zero co-pay. Needless to say I cancelled my other appointment (ok, more like didn't show up and then dodged the phone when they called me 15 minutes after the time I was supposed to be there) and set up a new one with this other dentist.

I go Thursday.

This one I AM going to keep.


My dizziness has become worse. It's to the point where I have to be careful of looking up to reach a bowl from a cupboard, walking around corners, turning around, backing up the car, etc.... because anything like that will send me reeling and make me feel like I'm going to be knocked off my feet. I mentioned it to my therapist yesterday (Monday is therapy day) and he finally explained it to me. I've been to several different doctors, explained how I feel and they all just tell me it's normal for the type of injury I have or it's from my medication or it's just how I am. Who would have thought my mental health therapist would finally give me an explanation as to why I feel so dizzy?!

He said it is kind of common for people who have neck injuries/chronic neck and back pain to unconsciously hold their head in a specific spot that puts the least amount of pressure and causes the least amount of pain. That is quite often not a level position and also we tend to move our neck less than other people so when we do move our heads, like looking up or turning around, it causes a vestibular reaction, i.e. dizziness.

That makes so much sense!

Trina developed debilitating vertigo after the car accident. It incapacitated her. She vomited and literally had to crawl on the floor, when she WAS able to leave the bed. Mom found the wild, mad scientist, genius Dr. John Epley and he was able to treat sissy, curing her from her vertigo. He did two or three surgeries on her. He's now retired but he will always be held in our highest regard for fixing sissy.

Anyway, it turns out my therapist is on the Board of Directors of vestibular disease (or some other important title, I can't remember exactly, it was a day ago!) because his mom had Meniere's Disease and was one of the first people to receive experimental surgery at Johns Hopkins University. I love talking to Dr. B because he is so knowledgeable in so many areas that I never would have guessed he would be.  I guess that's one of the perks of having a therapist who has written several books and is famous.

I finally have an explanation as to why I'm dizzy.

Soon I'll have some relief from my tooth too.

When can I have relief from my emotional pain?