We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Feliz Navidad Fotografias

I recently did my MexiGhetto Christmas photo shoot with the kids. I took 84 pictures and these are some of the highlights. I actually like most of the outtakes because they showcase Asa and Valentina's personalities. 

I think this one is great.

Unintentional jazz hands.

Asa has ALWAYS had a tendency to choke Valentina in photos. He doesn't do it tight, he just loves her so much that he tends to grab her around her neck to pull her close to him.

"Say WHAT?"

Turn about is fair play!

I LOVE this one, I just wish I could see more of Asa's face. You can just see the love they have for each other. They are so close.

Ok, starting to get silly here.

I'm losing them!

Yep, they're gone :)

The last one I got and it's one of my favorites even though the carpet is stained and you can see my sweats in the corner. I'll photoshop it later but they were giggling so hard they couldn't breathe.

Oh how these children melt my heart.....even though it took a lot of yelling to get the 6 out of 84 "normal" pictures of them! Yes, there were lots of threats and bribes. Funny, I just remember having fun with them.

Eyes Wide Shut

I ordered new glasses yesterday. It has been a little more than four years since I got my last pair. Sissy always used to go with me to pick out my frames. The last time I got a pair of glasses we decided on the ones I have after we agreed they weren't too "Sarah Palin-ish".

Yesterday I picked them out with Beya.

This afternoon I was looking at my old ones and finding a glass case to put them in when I thought "Ha! Sissy is going to love that my new glasses are Michael Kors to match my new Michael Kors purse! Wait. Why didn't I already tell her this? I did this yesterday. Wait, why wasn't she with me? Why didn't she help me pick out my glasses?"

And yet yesterday all I could keep thinking of is that it should have been the three of us looking for frames for me. Mom is amazing, I don't want to take ANYTHING away from her. There are just some things I used to do with sissy and sissy alone.

It's just plain wrong that she isn't here to do these things with me.

It's wrong that it's been almost 35 months since she could do anything with me.

It's wrong that next month will be 3 years.


There are times when all I want to do is forget. Forget that she was ever here. Forget that I had a sister. Forget that there was another half of me. Forget that most of my identity was ripped away.

There are times when I think "I need to go to sissy's house" or "I wonder when her and Asa are going to come over" or "let me call sissy to tell her Chez Norm is open for Sunday breakfast" or "holy shit, I can't wait to tell sissy!"

There are times when I think I should be at the hospital with her. That I should be sitting with her and giving mom a rest. That I should be talking to her doctor. That I should be asking more questions.

Instead I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears from coming.

Instead I keep my eyes open to see that I have two wonderful children, my parents are still alive and a husband who loves me.