Easter is a week from today.
Or in the wise words of Liz Lemon....
I know I say this every holiday but I think Easter might be the hardest one there is. It was the last holiday sissy was healthy. She was pregnant. We were giddy with anticipation over how the next Easter would be with a new baby in the family. We had waited so long to have our kids and now we were doing it, we were raising our kids together, hiding their Easter eggs together during a break in the rain on the front lawn, we were two sisters closer than the pulp that was used to make a single piece of paper, we were living our dream.
The next Easter there was no new baby.
The next Easter there was no sissy.
The next Easter our family wasn't just shattered, it was blown to fucking smithereens.
The memories of our last Easter, 2009, haunt me every time the Cadbury commercials start to air a month beforehand.
Easter fucking sucks.
Valentina, on the other hand, LOVES any and all holidays. She is just like her TT in that regard. She is so excited to get dressed up and go out to lunch and attend mass with me. Well, she's excited to dress up but we're having a bit of "creative differences" as to what she's going to wear. I am insisting on the fuschia Marchesa dress I splurged on her. She isn't really fighting me on that but she is adamant that she wear her three year old sweater that is faded and three sizes too small. The thing is, I could go out and buy the exact same sweater in her current size and she would hate it because it would fit her. Valentina is pure Hispanic, she likes her clothes tight. Obviously this causes discord between us because I buy clothes too big, I want to get a full years use out of them instead of getting clothes in her exact size and have them fit her for only three months. Trust me, she will be BEGGING me to let her wear the clothes I bought for her last summer even though she's grown 5 inches and what was then a tunic is now a half shirt which is what she wanted in the first place.
But I digress.
Oh, and yes, you read that right, I'm going to mass Sunday. It's been well over a year since I crossed myself with the holy water. Beya asked Valentina if she would like to go to mass Sunday. This was Valentina's exact response:
"Ugh, church is boring, boring, BORING! All you do is sit and sit and SIT. And you have be quiet. and it takes so LONG! And all you can do is sit on the hard bench and not DO anything! And it's just you and papa and it's BORING!"
Beya then played dirty and said "well, would you like to go if your mom went?" I shot mom the stink eye and it got worse when Valentina said yes, she would like to go if I went.
So off to mass I go on Sunday. I must admit that the fact that we have Pope Francis gives it a bit of a hopeful feel. What I would give to be in Rome on Easter and listen to His Holiness speak. I have hope again. I know there won't be change, per se, within the church and I will continue to disagree with the vast majority of what they preach but when I hear what Pope Francis talks about I hear love. I see him living the example he wants others to follow. He doesn't just talk about what people should do, he DOES the things he feels people should do. Again, I don't agree with everything he does but I feel like he's doing his best to make difference in the world. I didn't care much for Pope Benedict but Pope Francis gives me hope.
So I am taking my step towards becoming a Creaster (someone who only goes to mass on Christmas and Easter) this Sunday.
I will also be tormented by thoughts of Easter 2009. Thankfully I have no memory of the past three Easters other than the kids telling me after their egg hunt "that was the best Easter EVER!" and in a day or two I probably won't remember this one either. But I do my best to make each holiday fun for the kids and to hear them tell me that it was their best ever is all I need to hear.
I just wish there was another child saying it and sissy hearing it.