We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Friday, January 04, 2013

Excruciating

This week is excruciating.

Norm knew I was stressed out and a ball of anxiety before Christmas and that evening he looked at me and in all sincerity said "well, now you're done with it!"

I just sat there, in awe, of how clueless he was. "No, now it's beginning" I explained.

December 25th. Sissy's last Christmas. The last time a photo was taken of her and I together. We both knew it was her last Christmas.

December 31st. Trina's last day of chemo. The last time she was at my house.

January 1st. The last time we had a full conversation on the phone. I went to sleep that night with a horrible sense of foreboding, the same feeling I had the night that she was diagnosed.

January 2nd. Trina entered the hospital for what was supposed to be just a few hours to get a blood transfusion to help her get her strength back.

January 3rd. It was a Sunday. She wasn't getting better.

January 4th. Today. It was a Monday. I was there when the doctor told her she wasn't going to get better. She was dying.

January 5th-15th. I can't bear to go into detail about all the horrific details of each and every day. It makes me want to vomit.

So yes, this week is excruciating. Mom and I silently relive each and every day from three years ago. It's impossible not to. This was a week that I never thought would come. This was a week I knew would come. This was a week I didn't think I could live through. This was a week I did live through. This was a week I relive. This was a week I can't forget. This was a week I wish I could forget.

This was a week that has stretched out into three years.

This week is excruciating.