We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Monday, May 06, 2013

Liver To Die Another Day

First things first, let me get the IMPORTANT stuff out of the way!!!!!

ASA'S SOCCER TEAM HAS GONE UNDEFEATED THE FIRST FOUR GAMES!!!!!

WOOOHOOO!!!!!!!!!

IN FOUR GAMES THEY HAVE SCORED 32 GOALS AND OUR AMAZING GOALIE LET A MERE 12 GOALS  GO IN!!! I HAVE NEVER SEEN EIGHT 8/9 YEAR OLDS COME TOGETHER IN SUCH A WAY AND PLAY WITH SUCH EXCELLENT TEAMWORK AND TRULY WANTING THE BEST FOR EACH OTHER.  TO BE UNDEFEATED GOING IN TO THE SECOND HALF OF THE SEASON IS AMAZING!!!!

THE COACHES
I HONESTLY LOVE ALL OF OUR PARENTS. SOME I'VE KNOWN LONGER THAN OTHERS AND ONE OF THE PARENTS HAS ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL WHO IS JUST AS STRONG WILLED AS VALENTINA BUT THERE IS ALSO A MOM WHO HAS A DAUGHTER AND THEY ARE SO CLOSE IN AGE THAT THEY COULD BE SISTERS. VERY BEAUTIFUL, GLAMOROUS SISTERS! THEY ARE VERY SWEET, KIND, FUNNY AND CALL ME ON MY SHIT ALL OF THE TIME. SHE'S GREAT!!

FINALLY
OUR COACHES!!!!!
WE WOULD BE NOWHERE IF IT WEREN'T FOR OUR HARDWORKING 
COACHES!!!!!
THANK YOU COACHES!!!!!!!!!

Now back to the "normal" stuff. 

A few years ago, shortly after sissy died, I had some extreme stomach pains that would travel up to my chest and into my arm. Of course mom was concerned but I convinced her it was stress. I went to the doctor and he put me on Famotadine, something for heartburn. I noticed a change right away and the pains went away.....until a few weeks ago. This time the pains were more intense. The first time they would subside after about a half hour, these lasted for about 12 hours.

So off to the doctor I went again. He ordered blood work and an ultrasound. Imagine my surprise when a few days after I went in I received a copy of the blood work report. My liver enzymes were highly elevated. As in triple in some and up to four times higher than normal in others. I tried to keep the information from mom to help avoid her any unnecessary worry since at this time we really didn't know what we were dealing with.

Keep in mind sissy's cancer was diagnosed in her liver first.

Technically she died of liver failure caused by the cancer.

Our family hears anything wrong with "liver" and we immediately go to worst case scenario. I told a handful of my closest friends and in the meantime scheduled a follow up with my doctor.

Today I went back to see him to review the ultrasounds and see what we were dealing with.

It also turns out I have a stomach infection which hopefully will be treated with antibiotics. Two very strong antibiotics taken twice a day. Two very strong antibiotics to be taken twice a day on a stomach that is already irritated. Oh well, if this clears it up then it will be worth it.

Now on to my liver.

Eleven years of taking my pain meds have taken their toll on my liver. You know how you hear on the news that extended use of narcotics can cause liver damage? Yeah. That's me. Good news is my doctor has changed my pain meds to oxycodone which I have been taking when the pain becomes too intense and the Vicodin and Ultram (Tramadol) isn't enough. So now we are replacing the Vicodin with Oxycodone yet still keeping the Ultram. Hopefully that will continue to keep my pain manageable. Going off my pain meds was never an option unless I wanted to be bedridden in uncontrollable, searing, mind numbing, writhing pain 24/7.   So yay for hopefully manageable pain!

I go back in six months to check my liver enzymes to see if they have returned to normal by changing my narcotics.

I honestly wasn't that worried, I was just more worried about what would happen to Beya and the kids should the unthinkable or even a serious disease befall me. We all know my parents and especially Asa have had enough heartache to last 1,000 lifetimes. The last thing I wanted was to add to their heartache. Thankfully it doesn't look like I will be :)

One thing my therapist threw out to me in a very nonchalant way a few sessions ago that yes indeedy, I DO have PTSD but.......it started with Trina's and my car accident that was back on August 15, 2002. Losing sissy has made it worse and literally emotionally paralyzed me even more.

I want to be absolutely clear, I do NOT compare my PTSD to that of what our soldiers and military men and women come home with. As far as I'm concerned that is on a whole other level. 

So there's that.

But other than that things are just FANTABULOUS!!!! No, really, I don't want it to be like all rose thorns and barbed wire. The kids are amazing and keep me going when I think I can't go anymore. They bring life, happiness and love into our lives that only they can provide.

Keeping with that theme, I ran into the mom of one of Asa's former classmates. He's been having some serious physical ailments along with emotional ailments also. I'm grateful both Valentina and Asa are healthy.

So yes, we have all have our pile of shit that we have to carry on our back. Backpack full of shit is the way I remember it remember it being phrased?

There are some people who have fucking suitcases and whole luggage sets full of shit strapped to their back.

Travis Alexander's family is one that I don't know how they do this day in and day out. My heart goes out to them. May they finally receive peace knowing that horrible evil "human" will be locked up for the rest of the days of her miserable life.

And THAT is the end of my blog post. Whew! Went on a bit of a tangent, my apologies.

Good luck to those who need it.

Wisdom to those who are contemplating something new.

Fearlessness to those who are on the precipice of something possibly great!

This is the only life you get. There are no do-overs (no matter what my new attorney told me today).

I can sit and tell you all those stale encouraging posters that are running rampant on Facebook or say simply:


This is it. THIS IS IT. No repeats. No erase and start again. Move forward, let yesterday teach you about today and view today as "what if tomorrow I was told I had 8 months to live? What would I do?"

I tell you this from experience. Trina was given 2-3 years to live.

She lasted eight months.

The thing is, we didn't really change our lifestyle or make any different plans because we were already living that way. And THAT is the best gift I was able to give Mom, Trina and myself. Knowing that we did what we wanted to do, we were where we wanted to be and we were with the people we wanted to be with.

Our only regret was not getting our trip to Disneyland in but it would have been impossible to do or else we would have done that too. So I'm comfortable in realizing we did all we could.

We did all we could.

Cancer took the fucking rest.

(ps, I am AmbiBlogging so any typos or grammatical errors are caused from my Ambien,)