I miss my sister. There are certain things that make me miss her even more. Things happen and life continues on, I have no say in the matter, things change, people move in and the whole time this is going on around me I feel as if I'm the freak who is standing there in the middle of the vortex of the storm we call life and I'm stuck. I'm the old tree that is still standing after everything has been tossed about. A new house is built to replace the old one that was ripped to shreds in this storm. New cars come in and out, babies born, children grow up and I'm the dumbfuck who is just standing there, roots stubbornly stuck, refusing to budge one inch because no matter how well the new house looks, no matter how many new cars come and go, one thing is certain, my home, my life, my constant, was ripped away from me in the storm and I'm frozen, unable to move, still hoping that one day the part that was so painfully and quickly snatched away forever, will return to me, that it really ISN'T forever, forever is just the term they use. Because the thought of continuing on without my soul is just, at times, too much to bear. People come, people go, people force themselves on you, they think they know and send you little sayings that are supposed to help with this unbearable heartbreak when in reality there is nothing that can help. Nothing. After all, don't you think I would do/have done anything possible to help? For some of us there is no cure for death. I had one sister. She's gone. I'll never have another sister as long as I live.
The realization of that is so much more painful than I could have ever feared.