We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.



Sunday, April 13, 2014

Juxtaposition

When I write about my dark and twisty innermost thoughts Beya is always surprised. She hates to read those posts. She says it always shocks her because that is not our day to day life. And it isn't, I hope I've made that clear. This blog is something I use to purge those thoughts and feelings. I have them, they are mine, it is how I feel all the time. I still have the ticker screaming at me "MY SISTER IS DEAD! MY SISTER IS DEAD!" There has yet to be one second that goes by where I am not thinking of her and missing her and feel as if I have had my soul ripped out of my body and replaced with a wonky one that isn't even close to the one I had. I feel as if I need to give proof that I'm not wallowing and moping around. 




This is our day to day life. 

I hope this gives you a better sense of my two worlds that are always colliding. I have my dark and twisty and grief stricken heart mixed with my life that is grateful for the family that I have left. 

1 comment:

Jen said...

My mom is the same, she HATES them. She reads with one eye closed and only in the morning. Then she sends me texts in all caps. Like this, "CRYING....TOO DIFFICULT." and they make me sad. But, as we say, we don't carry ourselves like this in real life...this is where it all comes out. My mom says she makes herself read so she knows exactly what is going on, and how I am really feeling. She wants to know all of it, but also doesn't Do you know what I mean? I know you know, you know.

I know you and I know you have fun and are goofy and those kiddies have the BEST life! They are so fortunate and your family is just the BEST! We are complex creatures when it comes to grief. Even without grief, but add grief and watch out. We are so many things, at many different times...and it's all okay. And if it's not, well that's okay too : )

I love you every which way, no explanation needed - ever.


On a side note. Mad Men sucks. Roger again...he's the only one...ever. You are my Roger. It needs to end. Sorry...