We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Monday, August 18, 2014

August 18

Today would have been sissy's 45th birthday.

Five years ago was the last time she was alive for her birthday. She was 40.

We had planned on going to Vegas for her 40th birthday.

She was going to be 6 months pregnant for her 40th birthday.

We were all going to go and have fun and make fun of her turning 40 and being pregnant in Vegas.

Then cancer happened.

Instead she spent her 40th birthday at chemo all day.

I threw together a quick surprise birthday party for her at a restaurant. There was a lot of going back and forth of what should we do? Do we surprise her, do we do anything, do we tell her since she was so sick and we knew she was going to be at chemo all day?

In the end we decided to have a small birthday party for her 40th. Oh how different the reality was from our dreams.

For the longest time after she died and we would go to the same restaurant where we had her birthday we would avoid sitting in the same area as we had her party. At least we were able to go to the restaurant.

As usual, this year we were out of town for the most of her birthday since we can't bear to stay at home. We went to Seattle yesterday and came home tonight. We spent the last two days hanging out at the pool and ordering room service (Valentina's request).

Oh how I miss her. There is absolutely no good reason as to why she isn't here celebrating her 45th birthday. She SHOULD be here. She SHOULD be healthy. She SHOULD be with her son. She SHOULD be here being the best big sister. She SHOULD be here being my parents firstborn.

Instead Beya and papa had to go to the cemetery to lay flowers at her grave.

I miss her so much and have so many questions for her and conversations to be had.

Happy 45th birthday sissy. You SHOULD be here.

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