As I was napping this afternoon I was having one of those dreams. One of those where I'm crying, even in my dreams, because I feel so hollow yet so full of grief. As I was getting ready for the day this morning I almost broke down just thinking how much I miss having my sister with me, to talk to, to joke with, to gossip with, a million other things. Yesterday when I pulled into school to pick up the kids I saw a woman in the backseat and I was overwhelmed with the memory of mom, sissy and me picking up the kids together. The problem with this memory is that it never happened. Trina died before the kids started school. The three of us never picked up the kids together but I couldn't remove the "memory" from my brain.
I want to just delete this post and forget about it but in the words of my dear friend when I talked about doing the same with an email half written to her, "just send, never delete, just send."
Thank you Jen.
I'm posting. No spell check, no grammar check, just post.