We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Sunday, April 13, 2014


When I write about my dark and twisty innermost thoughts Beya is always surprised. She hates to read those posts. She says it always shocks her because that is not our day to day life. And it isn't, I hope I've made that clear. This blog is something I use to purge those thoughts and feelings. I have them, they are mine, it is how I feel all the time. I still have the ticker screaming at me "MY SISTER IS DEAD! MY SISTER IS DEAD!" There has yet to be one second that goes by where I am not thinking of her and missing her and feel as if I have had my soul ripped out of my body and replaced with a wonky one that isn't even close to the one I had. I feel as if I need to give proof that I'm not wallowing and moping around. 

This is our day to day life. 

I hope this gives you a better sense of my two worlds that are always colliding. I have my dark and twisty and grief stricken heart mixed with my life that is grateful for the family that I have left. 

Someone Contact My Lenses

After approximately 20+ years of wearing glasses I finally switched to contacts the first of the year. I have astigmatism in my right eye which makes contacts more difficult to match which is party why I haven't had them. I also have an "eye thing" i.e. putting anything in my eyes freaks me out. I have finally learned how to do eye drops in the past 2-3 years without using half a bottle and getting only a few drops in my eyes. So you can imagine my hesitation of putting mini glasses in my eyes. 

The past few months I, along with my eye doctor, have struggled getting the right strength for each eye. I was on my third pair of trials before something got halfway right. I can still see better with my old glasses but vanity gets in my way and I still wear my contacts every day however I change to glasses in the evening.

When I ordered a six month supply of contacts I also ordered some new cases because I was tired of the basic ones that come with the solution and free trials. My new ones are kind of cute and look like a bubble. Norm things they look weird but I like them. 

Yesterday after my shower I put in my contacts and started working on soccer paperwork. For some reason things were even more blurry than usual. I could hardly see the paper in front of my eyes. It was very weird and I couldn't figure out why I couldn't see. After a few minutes it finally hit me; I think I had put my contacts in the wrong eyes!!! I switched them around and sure enough, things came into focus better. It turns out my new case only have a small "R" embossed for the right eye and I had put the case backwards when I put them in. I was amazed I hadn't done this before. Of course I had to pull a papa and MexiGhetto up my case:

I think I'll be able to tell the difference now.