We were the closest family possible. Our world was turned upside down on 05/03/09 when my best friend, the person I love most next only to our children, my sister Trina was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. Her body gave out on her on 01/09/10 but she will ALWAYS be a part of our daily life and will continue to be in my posts. I started my blog to chronicle our daughter's international adoption from Guatemala and have continued to use it as a journal.

What you will find is my family trying to adapt to our new lives that were handed to us.

Thursday, September 04, 2014

Abundance Abound

I have been alternating between mania and depressive lately. August took it out of me and in order to cope I turned to my good friend "manic shopper" to help ease the pain. I've also cried a lot more than usual, which means I've cried a few times. 

I can't stop shopping and given that I've discovered Tradesy.com, well, the prices are so unbelievable that it's a impossible to pass up some things! I'm not just buying for myself, a couple of things have been for the kids, but I know it's bad when in one day I received packages from all three companies. First USPS, then FedEx followed up by UPS. Here are just some of my recent purchases. 

This is my new medication bag. The one I've been using for the past six years has literally worn out. It was one of those freebies from ordering a magazine subscription. It's just a dull brown bag and every time I pull a pill bottle out I have brown flakes on my hands from the bag disintegrating. This was a long awaited purchase.

This little gem was a must have for Norm's and my upcoming vacation. I didn't have a tote bag to take to the pool and this is just what the bipolar ordered.

These were my splurge from Nordstrom. I have "needed" a new pair of flip flops. I didn't have a brown pair and I have a super cute maxi dress with gold accents that I haven't been able to wear since I didn't have any shoes that matched it. They were a must have plus they match my new Michael Kors purse. Oh, yeah, I
bought a brand new purse too.

This is the softest leather I have ever felt. It's a prettier pink than the photo shows.

My shoes. My Mary Janes. I have a pair almost exactly like these but they are pumps and I wore them to sissy's funeral. I've never worn them since and have been wanting to rid them from my closet but have kept them just in case I needed something like them for the right outfit. Now I can jettison my bad juju death shoes and wear these fancy new ones. When you come across a pair of $650 shoes for $45 how can you NOT snatch them up? It's almost like THEY are paying YOU to have these shoes! Yes, I can justify almost any shopping purchase.

Both Norm and Beya have put me on a strict "no more ordering" rule..... that was broken over the weekend. But that was just books and in all fairness half of the books I bought were for Norm.

I'm just giddy with excitement thinking of all of the packages that will be arriving almost daily in a short time. At least I hope so. This happiness comes in the middle of major depressive moods. Oh the joys of bipolar. I see my psychiatrist on Monday so we will need to tweak my meds. Fall is when I get into my really depressed moods so what I've been experiencing is "good". I'm scared to think of what "bad" is going to be like. Hopefully we'll be able to find the right cocktail. It's exhausting trying out this med and then adding that one, etc..... But I'm so thankful that I have the medications to help me with this, I don't want to think of what I'd be like without them.

Sleep is something that has been eluding me for a while. The last day of summer vacation I was able to sleep in but other than that I've been up around 5 am. When you're a night owl like me and don't go to bed before 11 pm, well, I need my sleep. Today I was up at 2:30 am and have been up ever since. I don't even feel like I NEED to sleep! Mania!!! WOOHOO!!!!! I was thinking today on my way to Target (yes, more shopping, but for things I needed, like, REALLY needed)how if sissy were alive right now we would be whooping it up. We would feed off each other's mania and things would get so out of hand. We had some pretty fun highs together.

All of this reminds me of a movie I can't wait to see, Mania Days with Katie Holmes. It's an indie movie so I hope it actually gets released. Silver Linings Playbook is my go to bipolar movie and I love it. It is truly a masterpiece that both mom and I were able to relate to. A few scenes hit a little too close to home but that's the genius of a truly great movie.

Anyway, the kids started school yesterday so I'm hopeful that mom and I will be able to get some homework completed. I can't wait to see "This Is Where I Leave You" but I ordered the book so I want to read it first. The only drawback is that I hate books/movies/tv shows where there are big families with lots of siblings. It makes me angry that I lost the only one I had. I no longer have someone to talk to about how Beya and Papa raised us,  comparing childhood notes with, talking about growing up and how it was being brought up by our parents. It makes me very sad.

Beya and Papa are going to Vegas next week to visit mom's sister. They are very excited and I'm torn between being happy for them and anxiety ridden over not having them for four days. Mom and Papa have taken several trips in the past month and I've been able to power through each one. I'm kind of proud of myself for making it through each trip. I know it sounds crazy, I'm almost 39 and I miss my mom when she's away from me but that's how we are.

So, kids started school, homework has to be done (both the kids and mom and I) and our routine starts all over again. All in all quite a few things to look forward to and a few things to dread (October = breast cancer month, blech, Papa's retests on his lump) but I have much to be thankful for and I am. I am so grateful for all that I have. I try not to take anything for granted, I have much more than most people around the world. My heart goes out to the refugees in Syria and other war torn countries. Here I am talking about my new purchases and all they want is a place to sleep, food to eat and their children not to be killed by militants.

Yes, I have an abundance to be thankful for.